Gather 'round, because it's time to recap the most recent diamond doings. Roll Call starts at AT&T Park, where the surging San Francisco Giants obviously mean business in trying to capture the NL West. Look at what they did to the poor Arizona Diamondbacks: Made 'em quit baseball and join the swim team.
Bring out your junk: The Giants find themselves one victory from a division title, but they're really in it for the humiliation. Just look at the state of the D-backs after getting swept. Brandon Allen(notes) (center, wearing headphones), Barry Enright(notes) (left, with hands on hips) and the other Deebax rookies were made to put on their best Michael Phelps for the trip to the airport. Imagine what the Padres might be made to do this weekend by the masochistic Giant juggernaut.
Actually, it's Arizona's own hazing program that required the rookies to dress up like they're on a Mediterranean beach. But the way the Giants have taken control and the Padres have folded, San Diego's last gasp at the playoffs might be quite humbling.
Sleep with the fishes: Speaking of going in the water, the Padres (no kidding) have just been in way over their heads in the pennant race. They couldn't even beat the '84 Cubs on Thursday. Bob Dernier was there and everything. San Diego has lost 22 of 34 since Aug. 25, when they had a 6-1/2 game lead on the Giants. In that span, the offense has averaged 2.79 runs. It's enough to make David Eckstein(notes) (pictured) go, "What, what?"
He Posey threat: Giants fantabulous rookie catcher Buster Posey(notes) broke a 1-for-19 rut with his seventh home run in September. Between his contribution, a splash homer from Pablo Sandoval(notes), a nice start from rookie Madison Bumgarner(notes) and Aubrey Huff's(notes) Rally Thong, the Giants are on the verge of winning this thing.
From Extra Baggs:
The Giants are here because of a historic run of starting pitching, Buster Posey, an incredible bullpen, Buster Posey, a slew of well-timed home runs, a confident clubhouse that washes off the residue of tough losses, and Buster Posey.
Not because one well-liked goofball decides to wear a rhinestone-studded piece of androgynous underwear.
And yet, as you might recall, Huff guaranteed a 20-10 record when he first invoked the power of the “Rally Thong” on Aug. 31.
And with one game needed to clinch, the Giants are 19-8.
* * *
They Also Played...
Blue Jays 13, Twins 2: Well, Toronto seems ready for the playoffs, even if nobody invited the Blue Jays. Among the SIX homers the Jays hit at Target Field, two came from Jose Bautista(notes) (Nos. 53 and 54) and one even went to the opposite field. He hadn't gone oppo all year, amazingly. Right now, the Twins are wandering around a dark hallway, searching for a light switch. They'll need to flip it by Wednesday.
Tigers at Orioles, ppd. (rain): You bet Earl Weaver's tomato plants they're playing two Friday, if Mother Nature allows. We're all finishing this thing together.
"It was pretty sweet," he said. "It was a goal of mine to get it in the last month."
Cardinals 6, Rockies 1: Shh! The Rockies are hibernating.
* * *
Follow Dave on Twitter — @AnswerDave