1. Arlington 33354: The Rangers unleashed heck on the Twins, scoring seemingly at will in a 20-6 victory for the biggest offensive output in the majors this season. The only thing standing between the Rangers and more runs was slugger Michael Cuddyer, who pitched a scoreless eighth for Minnesota. He even threw a cutter — or was it a Cudder?
From the AP:
Texas became just the third team to put up at least three runs in each of the first five innings as the Rangers added five in the fourth and four in the fifth.
"The first five innings looked like a ZIP code, that will tell you how it went…33354," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said. "I think that's Florida…Fort Lauderdale."
2. You squeeze, I squeeze: The Red Sox laughably (except for Red Sox fans) messed up their squeeze bunt attempt that could have won it in the 12th, and the Royals laughably messed theirs up as well — except it worked, and Kansas City came away with a dubious 3-1 victory at Fenway Park. This is exactly what Mike Aviles had in mind, I'm sure, in the 14th inning. Carl Crawford, incidentally, struck out at least 14 times in this game.
3. Bucco pride: The Pittsburgh Pirates going to Atlanta and pulling out a 3-1 victory against the Braves in the series opener validates their season a little bit more. Every day, they force society to get used to them being in first place.
4. Streaming live: If you like to giggle, the pitching matchup in the Mets-Reds game — R.A. Dickey vs. Mike Leake — was right up your urethra. Dickey and the Mets won 4-2, with Jason Isringhausen (another funny name in its own right) getting a 38-year-old save.
5. Welcome the J.K. Kid: Rookie Jason Kipnis started his major league career 0 for 5, but his first hit won a ballgame, completing a 3-2 comeback victory for the Cleveland Indians. Thankfully for the Kipnis mantel, coach Sandy Alomar retrieved the ball from the stands after Torii Hunter of the Angels threw it away (understandably) in frustration.
"I'm very appreciative of that," Kipnis said. "I'm going to keep this one a long time."
6. You got it, I'll take it: Both teams were trying so hard, that's surely why it appeared neither wanted to win. But the White Sox will take a 6-3 victory against the Tigers, which draws them within one game of .500 and 3 1/2 of first place in the AL Central. Chicago's outfield let two balls drop in, which handed Detroit two early runs, and the Tigers made several mistakes of their own — usually by wandering around the bases. A sign of competence: Mark Buehrle, who scattered 10 hits over six innings.
7. Riding out out the storm: Mother Nature tried to help out the Seattle Mariners by providing a rain delay, but not even her weeping could prevent them from losing their 16th straight. Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter each hit a home run and drove in three, and Freddy Garcia pitched well again in the Yankees' 10-3 victory. The M's losing streak is the longest in the majors since the Royals dropped 19 in a row in 2005.
8. Sell, sell, sell: The Rays season is melting ... MEL-TING ... after the A's beat them 7-5 on the West Coast.