This is the last "worst first pitch ever" post in the history of this blog. Probably. The bad ceremonial first pitch long has become cliché in the blog world — which heavily trades in cliché already — and we are as guilty as anyone. No more! The Stew will no longer deal in exploiting lay people going onto a major league field and embarrassing themselves unless they're getting paid to do so. Players, for example.
She bounced it like they were playing in the Astrodome. We don't have a name or vocation or reason for attending for the awful first-pitch survivor. It's better she remain anonymous, except for the thousands inside of Minute Maid Park who saw her name on the scoreboard and heard it announced.
The best part is the reaction from Orbit, the Astros otherworldly mascot. He realizes that there should be some kind of screening process, so something like this doesn't happen again. There's no reason an able-bodied woman has to dunk the first pitch like she was at a basketball game.
Here's a GIF from Next Impuse Sports so you can watch it on a loop:
Worse than Miss Texas.
Worse than 50 Cent.
Worse than Mariah Carey.
Worse than Mark Mallory.
Enjoy this one, because it's the last of its kind you'll ever see on the The Stew. Unless something extraordinary happens. Which it might.
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