— "No more fan's nails" — Ringo Starr
Such an offering would seem more fitting for a knuckleballer like R.A. Dickey, who uses his fingernails to grip his titular pitch. He probably gets fingernails in the mail bi-weekly. On the other hand, Lee throws two-seamers, cutters and change ups. Something to consider: The fan might be making a reference to Lee Press-On Nails, an actual beauty product from the 1980s and '90s that were exactly what they claimed: Fake fingernails that one would press into place onto the fingertips in a pinch.
Let's say the big gala was in an hour, and you didn't want to color your nails, or they were cracked or jagged or otherwise unsightly. You'd run to your local Phar-Mor and grab some Lee Press-Ons and — whoosh! — anybody could have the fingernails of Johnny Weir in moments.
So it's a pun, right? The fan couldn't possibly want Lee to autograph the clippings and send them back. How does one sign a nail clipping, anyway?
Hopefully, this creepy delivery won't turn Lee off from getting fan mail in general, like with Ringo Starr that one time.
Peace and love.
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- Cliff Lee