Here's something no one in their right mind would make fun of the Cubs for — their own Zubaz! In what's bound the most exciting thing about the Cubs this year (OK, maybe second to Anthony Rizzo), the team has a Zubaz night on its promo schedule.
Not familiar? Zubaz are those big, colorful, weird pants that body builders, bros with Camaros and pro wrestlers used to wear in the '90s. They're close in style to "Hammer Pants," but not as shiny. (Though, speaking of slogans and MC Hammer: "U Can't Touch This" and "Too Legit to Quit" would have been good ones. Even "Pray" might work, eh Cubs fans?)
Anyhow, the special event tickets for the Sept. 23 game (against the Pittsburgh Pirates) come with your own pair of Zubaz in Cubs colors — perfect for dancing around the bleachers, lifting weights outside Wrigley or even thrusting your pelvis like MC Hammer used to.
We got Cubs opening day starter Jeff Samardzija to "agree" to "model" a pair for us. He almost looks as good as this guy.
On second thought, maybe that "Committed" slogan works just fine for the Cubs.