Philadelphia Phillies manager Charlie Manuel owns an iPhone, apparently, and he uses the talking help feature known as "Siri" or, as he calls her, "Sirius." Reporter Ryan Lawrence of the Delaware County Times passed along this nugget of what happens when Uncle Cholly talks to Siri:
"What are you trying to get Sirius up there?" Manuel asked as he looked at a reporter's iPhone. "Ask Sirius to marry you. She'll say, 'I don't understand that.' I talk to her every now and then. She don't understand baseball neither. I'll say, 'What's wrong with this guy?' And she'll say, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' She doesn't understand."
Well maybe start by saying her name right, Charlie. But no one understands what to do with the Phillies, who are sitting in last place in the NL East, nine games back of Washington, after winning the division five seasons in a row. They're banged up, but also are playing like overrated underachievers. Can a mobile phone help get them back in the race? Is there an app for them?
• "Sirius, what would our record be if Chooch Ruiz batted cleanup all along?"
• "Sirius, is Ryan Howard back yet?"
• "Sirius, what's the best package Ruben Amaro Jr. can get for Cole Hamels?"
• "Sirius, is that all there is to Juan Pierre?"
• "Sirius, is Chase Utley back yet?"
• "Sirius, would a shock collar help with Hunter Pence?"
• "Sirius, why don't his teammates like Cliff Lee no more?"
• "Sirius, what would our record be if everyone wore goggles like Vance Worley?"
• "Sirius, Pat's, Geno's or Jim's?"
• "Sirius, if Jimmy Rollins faced the sky when he batted, would all those pop-ups turn into line drives?"
• "Sirius, when is the Mayberry Tree supposed to ripen?"
• "Sirius, is Doc Holliday back yet?"
• "Sirius, what do you mean 'Kyle Kendrick doesn't compute'?"
• "Sirius, if things don't work out, where's a nice place to go in early October?"
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