Bud Selig gave a guest lecture at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, his alma mater, on Tuesday. The commissioner established a history chair there two years ago and has often talked of doing the professor thing once he retires from baseball. If he ever retires, that is.
The lecture was entitled "Talking Baseball: The Challenges of Communicating in Turbulent Times," which is ironic in its wordiness and could also a sneaky way of saying "How To Speak and Act Politically in Order To Minimize Profit Loss."
Selig, who has supervised many a calamity since abdicating control of the Milwaukee Brewers and going to work for his fellow owners, no doubt can generate a vibrant Q&A with the students. Here then are 10 questions we hope were asked inside of Bud's lecture hall:
1. "What happens to our GPAs if this ends in a tie?"
2. "Can I retake my exam? I had some chain-of-custody issues with the T.A."
3. "Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner?"
4. "Which legal tactics would you employ to force the Brewers to bring back Bernie Brewer's beer stein?"
5. "Who do you think you are? You can't just contract two whole parts of the syllabus like that!"
6. "Why won't you let Peter Edward back into the lecture?"
8. "Do you really think downing all that NoDoz enhanced my performance this quarter?"
9. "You remember that thing we had about 30 years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those [people] back to the Great Wall of China? Then take the [bleeping] wall apart brick by brick and nuke them back into the [bleeping] stone age forever?
10. "What do you mean the final is canceled? What will I tell my parents back in Montreal?"
What would you have asked Bud Selig?