Bryce Harper of the Washington Nationals is 19 years old, a fact that would be plainly obvious simply by showing the above photo on the left-hand side. The late teens/early 20s are a time when every human, especially the male of the species, should get purposely bad haircuts out of his system. But what inspired Harper's nuclear mullet ("a skullet"?) in which he manages to party in the back and front while being all business on the sides?
Well, after running Harper's photo through Big League Stew's master computer, a photo of the principal from Mötley Crüe's "Smoking in the Boys Room" video popped up. Actor Michael Berryman, also famous for the original "The Hills Have Eyes" movie and other horror delights, added a funny wig to his look and — presto! — instant '80s icon. Well, Harper has shown himself to be a fan of baseball history. Perhaps he also likes vintage pop metal and the music videos it produced.
And then there's Harper's eye black, which he no doubt thinks is conservative, given how much he has applied to his face in earlier times. One day in the near future, Harper will show up to the ballpark looking like Martin Sheen in "Apocalypse Now." And he'll probably go 2 for 4. And when he does, Batting Stance Guy will be there to mark the occasion. In the meantime, check out BSG's tips on how to look like Harper at the plate: