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David Brown

BLS Gift Guide: Who's ever heard of a Curt Schilling-in-a-box?

David Brown
Big League Stew

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The holidays are upon us — Happy Hanukkah! — which means Big League Stew is on the lookout for the neatest baseball-themed gifts for enthusiasts of what is still our national pastime.

No matter what you think of Curt Schilling (Hall-of-Fame right-hander; Boston's favorite athlete-blogger; charming media gadfly; semi-annoying Yankees historical authority; hypocritically bombastic blowhard; blouse-wearing poodle walker) seeing his barrel-chested likeness pop up from a Jack-in-a-box after it plays "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" will make you take notice of him on Christmas Day.

Probably hoping to take advantage of the bobblehead craze, Upper Deck has created the "Jox Box" and offers a number of athletes for sale, including Schilling, who goes for $18.95 at SportsGifts.com.

It's a pretty good likeness, too: Chiseled Nordic facial features, big ears, XXL torso, in-your-face opinions. You can probably even modify it to include his famous bloody sock as we've taken the liberty of showing below:

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So what if a Jox Box doesn't exactly move well on the secondary market and retains its value about as well as a Lincoln Town Car?

So what if Schill can't pop up on every fifth day like he used to?

So what if you already have too much junk on your shelves?

You're not a real Red Sox fan unless you also have this Misfit Toy on your shelves.

Make sure to check out Big League Stew's previous gift ideas, which include a miniature city that features (perhaps) your favorite ballpark; caskets and urns styled for your favorite clubs; the "Bullpen Buddy" inflatable aid for relief pitchers; a chair and ottoman shaped like baseballs; a portable bathroom and a peppermill that looks like a bat.

Happy holidays, shoppers!

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