Because winning the American League Central probably is unrealistic, a local alleged thief has taken it upon himself to ensure the Chicago White Sox somehow get something out of 2013.
The FBI reports that a man named Joe Anderson, a 32-year-old resident of Chicago's North Side (hmm), has been charged with felony bank robbery and is suspected in two other robberies, including one performed Monday morning. His calling card? He has worn a Sox cap, all white, with the iconic "Sox" logo on the front, in at least two of the robberies. Here's the Bureau's take:
The complaint alleges that Anderson entered the bank, approached a teller station, and leaned forward to make a demand for money in a low voice. The complaint further alleges that Anderson threatened to blow up the bank if the teller pushed any buttons or played any tricks. After receiving cash from the teller, Anderson left the bank on foot.
"No tricks"!? This bank robber has seen one-too-many movies. I can just hear him now, to the teller, in the voice of White Sox broadcaster Hawk Harrelson. He starts low but soon reaches a crescendo: "You can put it in the bag ... yeeeeeeesssssssss!"
Unlike the guy in the St. Louis Cardinals cap who shouted "Go Cards!" as he made off with money that wasn't his in 2012, this guy did not shout "Nana, nah-nah, hey-hey, good-bye" as he left the bank lobby.
Coincidentally or not, another man wearing a White Sox cap — this one black, like the team wears on the field — is wanted for a robbing a bank in Reno last week. (Didn't Johnny Cash rob a bank in Reno wearing a black White Sox cap just to watch ... OK, that was different.)
But two robbers in Sox caps, almost simultaneously? Shameful. And right after Chris Sale takes a perfect game into the seventh inning against the Angels in the only good White Sox game of 2013.
Let's not overlook that the man in surveillance photos also is wearing a Michael Jordan/Chicago Bulls jacket. OK, consider it not overlooked! But with the Bulls playing in the NBA's Eastern Conference semis against the Miami Heat, it's simply less of a cry for attention than what's happening with the White Sox, who are 15-20. An aside: The Sox also are being robbed by Adam Dunn right now. He's batting .137/.235/.308.