This Youtube video of comedian Rob Delaney reading baseball scouting terms and commenting on their inherent sensuality (even sexuality in some cases) is not safe for work and should be watched by kids under parental supervision only. (There, that'll stop 'em!)

A friend of Delaney's relayed to him an article in Harper's Magazine from 2004 that notes scouting terms and phrases from the Major League Baseball draft of that year. But it's typical language. If you've seen the movie "Moneyball," or read the book or just heard about it, perhaps you remember the part where Billy Beane says to his staff something to the effect of, "We're not selling jeans. We're supposed to be drafting baseball players."

Well, based on the unintentionally hilarious words scouts use to describe the players they study, I'm not so sure. Delaney, who isn't that famous outside of Twitter and the stand-up circuit but might be someday, also isn't sure what the scouts are getting at. Here are some gems:

No matter where you put baseball and hockey in your sports preference list, they're pretty much the best sports to watch in person. But the most doggone sport ever invented by man has to be this curling. It's been called a "national obsession" in Canada and why not? What else are you going to do indoors when it's -25 outside? Curling can be described as bowling-meets-shuffleboard-meets-sweeping-up-meets-chess — on ice. There's definitely strategies and tactics, and a certain amount of athletic ability required — but there's also a lot of falling on your butt if you don't know what you're doing.

I'm thinking Colby Rasmus fell on his butt a lot as he and teammates J.P. Arencibia, Anthony Gose and Drew Hutchison gave curling a whirl in order to help promote their club. We don't usually encounter curling but every four years in the Winter Olympics, but thanks to the Toronto Blue Jays going on their winter caravan to Saskatoon, Sask., in midwestern Canada, The Stew can offer a solid minute of curling video. It also features Ace, the Blue Jays mascot, going for a skate. It's always amusing to see people dressed in birds skating.

By the way, how tough of a sport is curling? Arencibia says:

Enzo Hernandez, the first everyday shortstop in San Diego Padres history, was found dead Sunday, media in Venezuela have reported. Hernandez, who would have turned 64 in February, apparently committed suicide.

Major League Baseball came to San Diego in 1969 and, as Gaslamp Ball points out, Hernandez was the first to play short every day for the Padres after they were established as an expansion franchise. Starting in 1971, Hernandez made his reputation on defense — not unlike countrymen Dave Concepcion, Luis Aparicio, Chico Carrasquel before him. He hit .224/.283/.266 with 129 stolen bases and 83 sacrifice bunts with the Padres from '71-1977.

Despite a low on-base percentage, Hernandez three times finished in the top 10 in the NL in stolen bases (1971, 1972, 1974) and he led the league in sacrifice bunts with 24 (!!!) in 1975. You might figure that Hernandez hit eighth in the Padres lineup, and he did often, but his managers batted him leadoff most times, no doubt to utilize his speed.

Bill Almon more or less replaced Hernandez in the Padres lineup in '77, holding the position until Ozzie Smith made his debut in '78. Hernandez's final major league appearances also came that season, with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

In 2006, his hometown of El Tigre in Venezuela named a stadium after Hernandez.

According to an obituary (published in Spanish), Hernandez's career ended prematurely because he suffered from herniated discs in his back. Hernandez also reportedly suffered from symptoms of depression. From the Associated Press:

Unhappy with your job? Out of work altogether? Always wanted to enter the world of Major League Baseball? Want to party with the Home Run Thingie? Don't like talking to the media?

Now is your chance to cross all of that off your list and fulfill your dreams. The Miami Marlins are operating a job fair. It happens Tuesday, as in tomorrow, so hurry up and get to Marlins Park (501 Marlins Way, Miami Fla.). The official release says "numerous ... Event Staff and Part-Time Positions Available," including:

Guest Services, Ticket Operations, Retail Operations, Premium Services, Event Services, Concessions, Grounds, Janitorial Services and Event Services.

The Marlins' objective is to continue to create an environment where a team of business professionals can perform to their full potential, generating economic growth, strength and contributing to the well-being of a diverse community.

Attire to attend the Job Fair is Business Professional and the public is encouraged to bring several resume copies.

Event services was listed twice; that means you know they need people there. But here's what the release won't tell you: Don't talk to the press! From Barry Jackson's dot-dot-dot column in the Miami Herald:

She's a beaut, ain't she? All right, who did it? Which one of the Chicago White Sox put a 2005 World Series ring for sale on eBay? So far, 14 offers have been on the 14k gold, 95-diamond work of art, but the seller is asking $24,999.99. In addition to the market value, there's a lot of sentimental value (for some more than others, apparently) too. It represents Chicago's only World Series championship since 1917.

So, just who IS the seller (beyond the third party who appears to be fronting on the auction web site)? Some clues were left in the ring's description:

Lots of good clues, actually. Deadspin has been speculating as to who the seller is, and commenters have chimed in with guesses such as Jermaine Dye, Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez, Jose Contreras, even A.J. Pierzynski. It's not A.J., even though slashing tires and burning bridges on his way to the Texas Rangers isn't completely out of the realm with him, given that he likes to turn heel like a pro wrestler. And Dye (the MVP of the '05 Series) probably isn't down to his last few dollars, even though it's been a couple of years since he played.

The ring itself also holds more clues.

(AP)With provisional rosters for the 2013 World Baseball Classic due to be submitted late next week and finalized shortly thereafter, we have early confirmation on the status of two the game's youngest and brightest superstars.

First, from CBS Sports' Jon Heyman comes word that Miami Marlins outfielder Giancarlo Stanton has committed to play for Team USA, which is simply fantastic news for tournament organizers and fans interested in the event.

And it's even better news for manager Joe Torre, who can now safely pencil the 23-year-old's productive bat in the middle of an already stacked lineup that includes Ryan Braun, Adam Jones, Joe Mauer, Brandon Phillips and David Wright. But it also shouldn't be considered surprising news after the comments Stanton made when asked about his possible participation for Team USA back in September.

"Absolutely. Anything that represents your country is a big deal. It's relatively new. To have that be more popular, or make that more important to people, is ideal."

"You never know how long a career can be, and you want to get that experience," he added. "You never know how your health will be. In three years, something could go wrong. I'm able to do it now, and have no reason not to."

(Felix Hernandez on Twitter)As we‘ve seen in the past, Seattle’s famed 12th Man is proudly represented by baseball royalty.

But just in case we forgot that moment or thought Felix Hernandez’s raising of the flag at CenturyLink Field was a one time deal, the King of Seattle sports reaffirmed his support for the hometown squad by tweeting a photo of himself decked out in Marshawn “Beast Mode” Lynch’s No. 24 jersey and a Seahawks helmet.

And I’d say that was a wise selection by Hernandez considering he‘s been pitching in Beast Mode since the moment he picked up a baseball as a child, right up and through the 2012 season when he added a perfect game to his list of accomplishments.

(US Presswire)Finally we have a ballot result that baseball fans, writers, experts and all of mankind can get behind.

Well, I hope that‘s the case anyway.

After a five-day voting period set up to allow fans to select the cover athlete for the MLB 13: The Show video game —which is scheduled for a March 5 release — it has been announced that Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Andrew McCutchen emerged victorious, beating out other superstars such as Matt Kemp, Miguel Cabrera and Buster Posey to earn the coveted spot.

We’re also happy to report this means the hashtag wars connected to this contest that have consumed social media over the past week are also finished, meaning it should be safe to return to Twitter this weekend. Unless you don’t like football. In that case you should wait until Monday, as you would normally do.

Anyway, the results of the contest were actually quite surprising. McCutchen, who was by most accounts considered the underdog of the seven candidates selected, ended up pulling away from the pack with 108,147 total votes. That gave him a comfortable margin of victory over second place finisher CC Sabathia (89,054).