Now that we know the truth, that all six of Ryan Braun's home runs this season have come at either PNC Park or Citizens Bank Park, will Major League Baseball put the state of Pennsylvania on the banned substance list? It must be something in the air, or the water, or the pirogi, or the Tastykakes, because once Braun steps into the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, he becomes the majors' deadliest hitter.
Perhaps lost among the bat flipping and and yelling and brawling between the Milwaukee Brewers and Pittsburgh Pirates on Sunday was Braun taking Bucs closer Jason Grilli deep for the second time in two games, giving him three homers against the Pirates this season, all at PNC. Combine them with the three homers Braun had at Philadelphia on April 8 and you've got his entire home run output for the season, six. Add two more 6's, and you have the Devil's area code.
Away from the comforts of the Keystone State, Braun is 8 for 40 with nine strikeouts. One extra-base hit. No RBIs. Braun must be taking advantage of a loophole in the drug testing rules because, for him, the great state of Pennsylvania is one giant PED. And it tastes just like Quaker Oats.
Or maybe someone who's interested should look into what the connection actually is between performance-enhancing drugs and a player's performance. Now that would make for some good journalism. In the meantime, we need to ban Pennsylvania just to be sure. PNC Park? More like PED Park. Citizens Bank Park? More like... Citizens Biogenesis Park.
The bigger reality is, the Brewers are 14-5 overall, including 9-1 away from Miller Park, (and 6-1 in Pennsylvania). They're also 6-1 against the Pirates, rivals in the NL Central. And right now, Ryan Braun can't miss if there's an Andy Warhol Museum, or a Liberty Bell nearby. Somebody must stop him before the Brewers go back there and have either Primanti Bros. or cheese steaks.
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