In February, Prep Rally brought you the bizarre tale of Joel Bruss, an Apple Valley, Minn. resident who was eventually charged with DUI after he tried to drunkenly run a Zamboni machine at a youth hockey rink. Now, just more than a month later, cell phone video of Bruss' drunken ice cleaning has emerged, and it is pretty incredible.
The video you see above was captured by 12-year-old Apple Valley pee wee hockey player Cullen Beck, and later submitted to Minneapolis NBC affiliate KARE. In the clip, Beck provides some of the best commentary Prep Rally has heard in any setting all year while watching Bruss inefficiently cover parts of the rink's ice.
Among Beck's gems:
"Look at him miss that. You're serious. He doesn't even notice."
"Are you kidding me? We're supposed to go on that?"
"I hope he realizes that he sucks. He hasn't even gotten the sides yet."
And, the coup de grace:
"This is the last lap. Oh, now he's gonna fix it, huh? Oh, good job. What kind of turn is that?"
As Rick Chandler of Off the Bench wrote, that is priceless.
While Bruss' illegal ice cleaning has had much more significant consequences for his future -- the man is now officially facing DUI charges relating to the incident, reportedly has three other DUI convictions and the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported he had an astounding blood-alcohol content of 0.32, four times the legal limit, at the time of his arrest -- it also taught the Pee Wee players looking on a valuable lesson about why one should never, ever drive after drinking.
And, of course, it also taught the rest of us that young Cullen Beck may have a bright future ahead of him, whether it comes as a Zamboni driver or comedian … or perhaps both. There has to be a market for delivering stand-up while cleaning the ice, right? That would certainly make it go faster for the fans.