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Jay Busbee

Monty will be keeping his Ryder players locked safely away

Jay Busbee
Devil Ball Golf

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Oh my sweet heaven, this Ryder Cup just keeps getting better and better.

Word out of the United Kingdom is that European captain Colin Montgomerie has installed soundproofing at his team's private room at Celtic Manor in order to prevent the Americans from listening in. No, really. (Visor tip: Shackelford.)

Monty's reasoning goes something like this: He and his European vice-captains, Thomas Bjorn, Darren Clarke and Paul McGinley, know the Celtic Manor course far better than those sloppy Americans, and they don't want Corey Pavin's team sneaking in and hearing any secrets.

OK, sure, that's valid and all. But below this is a second reason, and -- as with everything Euro Ryder 2010 does -- it has to do with cursing the name of, and distancing everyone from, 2008 captain Sir Nick Faldo.

Sir Nick, whom as you may recall lost the 2008 Ryder, apparently had a fella by the name of DJ Spoony in the Euros' room, playing drums to get the team fired up. (Judge his DJ work for yourself here. Good stuff, but probably not right for golf.) And that apparently -- in Monty's estimation, at least -- led the U.S. to think that the Europeans weren't taking things as seriously as they should, and so incited the Americans to victory. No such chance of that now, right?

Of course, this only invites Team America to do some Mission: Impossible-style espionage. Oh! And they could bring in wee Paul Casey to climb through the ceilings and install listening equipment, since he's all snubbed and everything! Man, this is gonna be great!

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