Roy Helu has screwed up Alf's home run swing. (USAT)
Each week the Noise highlights 10 somewhat un-obvious names who he believes are destined to
implode leave egg on his face. To qualify, each player must be started in at least 50 percent of Yahoo leagues. Speaking as an accountability advocate, I will post results, whether genius or moronic, the following week using the scoring system shown here. If you're a member of TEAM HUEVOS, reveal your Week 8 Lames in the comments section below.
Matchup: at TB
A tale of two halves has become habit for Newton. Last year, he stumbled out of the gates over the first several weeks of the season, tarnishing his QB1 image. However by midseason, the light in the attic turned on as he finished tied with Russell Wilson atop the QB per game ranks over the final 10 games of the regular season. This year, it appears he's replicating the uneven ride. Over the first five weeks of 2013, the passer's Scam side reappeared, tallying the 14th-best per game average among signal callers. However, his 33.1 fantasy point bonanza in Minnesota Week 6 has owners wondering if he's about to embark on another multi-game tear. In short: Josh Freeman has better odds of completing consecutive passes. On short rest and facing an above average Buccaneers secondary, the Panther is a fringe QB1 even in a bye-heavy week. In his past two meeting against Tampa, he's failed to surpass the 20-point mark in standard formats. Torched by Nick Foles and Matt Ryan in back-to-back games, the Bucs have underperformed of late. Still, Darrelle Revis, the second-best cover corner in the league per Pro Football Focus' metrics, has marooned many a receiver, surrendering a lowly 7.7 yards per catch and 61.1 QB rating. In what should be a cornea-burning affair, Cam posts only modest numbers. Give me Russell Wilson (at StL), Eli Manning (at Phi) and Ben Roethlisberger (at Oak) instead.
Fearless Forecast: 229 passing yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception, 28 rushing yards, 17.2 fantasy points
Matchup: at Den
Doctored Jon Lester junk. That's exactly what the Broncos will throw at Washington's power hitter this weekend. In classic Lucifer Shanahan style, an unexpected RBBC has slowly formed in D.C. Though Morris continues to be the primary ball carrier (91-to-31 attempts), the season snap distribution between the incumbent and Roy Helu is nearly even (226-to-213). This week, don't be surprised if the script flips. Given the shortcomings of the Washington defense and the fact the 'Skins have played from behind often this year, it's entirely likely a lopsided affair breaks out early, relegating Morris to watch the action from the sidelines. Clearly, Helu has emerged as the main passing-down option and, if last week's TD hat-trick is any indication, a legitimate goal-line gremlin. If the expected game flow unfolds, the 'backup' will dominate touches in the second half. Toss in Denver's stinginess against the run (2.8 yards per carry allowed to RBs) and with Von Miller back in action, and Morris is a difficult RB to trust. Keep in mind no rusher has eclipsed the 75-yard mark on the ground against the Broncos this year. Pierre Thomas (vs. Buf), Le'Veon Bell (at Oak) and Mike James (vs. Car) are viable alternatives.
Fearless Forecast: 17 carries, 77 rushing yards, 0 receptions, 0 touchdowns, 7.7 fantasy points
Matchup: at NE
Joe Philbin must be a Bud man. Miller time has rarely happened this season. Perpetual thorn, Daniel Thomas, continues to receive more touches than he deserves, limiting the starter's big play potential. Despite averaging a healthy 4.3 yards per carry (Thomas 3.4), Miller has seen 40 or more snaps and totaled 15-plus touches once each this season. Can you say criminally underused? Against New England, don't expect the blueprint the suddenly change. Down Vincent Wilfork and Jerod Mayo, the Pats weren't overly generous in the trenches last week. Against a formidable Jets offensive line, they held Chris Ivory to a lousy 3.1 yards per carry, though he did top the century mark on an exhaustive 34 carries. In that contest, Dont'a Hightower and Chris Jones both graded out on the plus side defending the run according to Pro Football Focus. As a heavily invested Miller owner, I hope I'm way off on this, but because of Philbin's stubbornness and the Patriots' still rigid defense, the 'Fin is again highly untrustworthy. Please, Joe, get a clue.
Fearless Forecast: 11 carries, 46 rushing yards, 1 receptions, 5 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 5.8 fantasy points
Matchup: at KC
FLASH! AHHHHHHH! HE WON'T SAVE ANYONE OF US! Last week, Brandon Weeden couldn't hit a well-fed Packers fan in the gut from five-yards out, a miserable effort that led to his benching. However, going from Weeden to Jason Campbell is akin to trading in a woefully (expletive) dumb phone for just a (expletive) dumb phone. They both excel at misconnections. Oakland was the last team desperate enough to rely on Campbell. In six 2011 starts, the QB averaged 7.1 yards per attempt and 195.0 yards per game while posting a 6:4 TD:INT split. By no means is that Blaine Gabbert-terrible, but it's certainly not encouraging. Understand, Campbell is a check-down maestro, a tendency that may ultimately kill Gordon's big-play ability. KC's defensive play will also have a similar effect. Corners Sean Smith, Marcus Cooper and, when healthy, Brandon Flowers have consistently executed at a high level. Smith and Cooper, targeted a combined 68 times, have surrendered just 28 receptions (41.1 catch percentage). Overall, only five wide receivers have totaled nine fantasy points or more against the Chiefs. After what will surely be an abysmal offensive performance by Campbell, maybe Michael Lombardi will seriously entertain signing Jeff Garcia.
Fearless Forecast: 4 receptions, 56 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 8.6 fantasy points
Matchup: at Det
In a high-flying offense and gifted some of the best hands in the biz, it's stunning Witten doesn't offer more consistency from a fantasy perspective. As always, he offers more value in PPR settings, but in standard formats he's totaled double-digit fantasy points only twice this season. Most discouraging, he's attracted six targets or less in three of his past five contests. The Lions are far from suffocating defensively. Since Week 3, they've conceded 316.2 passing yards per game and eight total passing touchdowns. However, as witnessed last week against Cincinnati, most of those connections have come on explosive plays to wide receivers downfield. Martellus Bennett is the only tight end to compile 65 yards or more against them. Equally impressive, they've allowed just one TD to a TE this year. Witten is a hard commodity to demote, but if you scored Jordan Reed off waivers and play in a one-TE league, he's bench worthy.
Fearless Forecast: 5 receptions, 50 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 8.7 fantasy points
BONUS WEEK 8 LAMES
TEAM HUEVOS PICKS OF THE WEEK
Each week one fortunate guest prognosticator will have a chance to silence the Noise. Following the rules stated above, participants are asked to submit their "Lames" (1 QB, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, 1 TE, 1 D/ST) by midnight PT Wednesdays via Twitter @YahooNoise. How large are your stones?
— Seth Condra (@sethcondra) October 24, 2013
Reader Record: 23-25
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