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Scott Pianowski

Rant and Roll (collectible holiday edition)

Scott Pianowski
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Truth be told, peeps, I'm in a good mood. It's the holidays. Egg nog. In a few days I get to see Up in the Air. Someone else cooks a tasty meal, I eat it. People buy me presents and stuff. Fantasy Football Championship Week. Less traffic in my neck of the woods. All wonderful things.

And then I peeked at Twitter and there was this #airingofgrievances topic going around, and I guess I had some beefs to get out. Let's go to the pet peeves, all done with the Tweet rules in mind (140 characters or less):

Change-diggers and coupon crazies at the checkout. I'll spot you the 45 cents, okay, just keep it moving.

Any commercial that suggests you should gift someone a fancy car this holiday, almost on a whim.

The endless presentation at NBA games. How much noise and flash is enough? Why is every arena an arcade now?

The forced, cheesy chemistry between Gruden and Jaws.

NFL analysts who glorify the running game. This isn't 1977, people. It's a passing league.

The 3rd and 4th years of Six Feet Under. Any Cheers episode with Rebecca Howe. Shoveling. Cheapskates at a group dinner.

Flaky wireless. Anyone who interrupts a nap. Watching the same crummy NFL team in prime time (Redskins 2009, Browns 2008).

Movie trailers that give away too much detail.

The ridiculous markup on concessions at events, airports etc. I'm not cheap but I know when I'm being royally screwed.

Stuart Scott, Chris Berman. Seriously, guys, the shtick expired a long time ago.

The environmentally-clueless shoppers at the market. Cart to the left or to the right, please. Not down the middle.

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, together or separately.

The guy who waited 10 minutes in line but still doesn't know what he wants. Lottery zealots. Applebee's (even free, nah).

The DirecTV monopoly on Sunday Ticket. The spotty reception my since-ditched dish used to get. Perky morning people.

Anyone who doesn't realize that The Knack's best song (by far) is "Good Girls Don't."

Jimmy Football. I'm against violence, but I'd make an exception here.

Rick Reilly. He was good in the 80s and early 90s, honest. He's the postmaster general now.

The media slurping of Cal Ripken. Great player, but he was just as selfish and egocentric as several other targets.

The size of goaltending equipment in ice hockey. Forget making a save, just stand there and let the puck hit you

Joe Morgan. There can be no defense of the man. Gavel.


Comcast's crummy amount of HD channels. Once you go HD, there's no going back - everything else is a Zapruder film.

Football know-it-alls that come out Monday morning. If you've got a strong opinion, share it before the game.

Laugh tracks. I can figure out what's funny, thanks. And that's enough rantage from me, for now. Have a happy and safe holiday, peeps. I'll be back later today with actual football content, if that's your thing.

What's on your rant list? Keep it clean, one of my crazy aunts might be reading over my shoulder.


Photo via US Presswire

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