Opening Time: Philip Humber is here to help; so is Rico Suave

Scott Pianowski

A full Friday is on deck, all 30 teams in play. Let's get to the pitching form.

Probable Starters for Sept. 16
1. Doug Fister at Oakland: Control remains sublime, missing more bats too
2. C.J. Wilson at Seattle: A good reminder: any elite arm should get a shot at starting
3. Javier Vazquez at Washington: Still out there in 42 percent of Y! leagues
4. Dan Haren at Baltimore: A solid No. 2 but Weaver is the definite ace here
5. James Shields at Boston: Must-see TV, Shields against Beckett
6. CC Sabathia at Toronto: Ratio problems of late despite decent strikeout numbers
7. Philip Humber at Kansas City: Silent H is a ninja
8. Vance Worley vs. St. Louis: Hasn't tailed off second and third time around league
9. Matt Garza vs. Houston: Ratio stats starting to match K/9 rate
10. Josh Beckett vs. Tampa: How deep will he go off the ankle injury?
11. Hiroki Kuroda vs. Pittsburgh: On the cusp of mixed-league relevance
12. Chris Capuano at Atlanta: Put him on your 2012 sleeper list
13. Ubaldo Jimenez at Minnesota: The Indians will regret this deal
14. Wandy Rodriguez at Chicago: Stuck in baseball purgatory
15. Derek Lowe vs. New York: No longer a plus option
16. Madison Bumgarner at Colorado: Thin air, you're on your own
17. Randy Wolf at Cincinnati: It's thirty minutes away, I'll be there in ten
18. Jaime Garcia at Philadelphia: He's hit the wall, hard
19. Tim Stauffer vs. Arizona: I've been out since the seven-walk game
20. John Lannan vs. Florida: The world needs ditchdiggers, too
21. Wade Miley at San Diego: Hasn't shown enough to get a Petco plug
22. Jeff Locke at Los Angeles: Recent callup, pride of North Conway, NH
23. Brett Cecil vs. New York: I'm not entertaining this matchup
24. Trevor Cahill vs. Detroit: Under-the-hood stats say last two years are similar
25. Kevin Slowey vs. Cleveland: Not enough strikeout upside to move the needle
26. Bronson Arroyo vs. Milwaukee: Guitarist is out of tune
27. Alex White vs. San Francisco: Hey, this is Red Rocks
28. Felipe Paulino vs. Chicago: He's been unlucky but you still shouldn't use him
29. Blake Beavan vs. Texas: Pitches to contact, hard contact
30. Tommy Hunter vs. Los Angeles: Batting practice for the Halos {ysp:more}

So who's streamable here? Fister (63 percent owned) and Vazquez (59 percent) might be out there in shallow leagues, as silly as that is. Wolf (42 percent) doesn't miss enough bats. I like Humber (33 percent) at Kansas City, and maybe Capuano (15 percent) at Atlanta.

About Last Night: Gerardo Parra is a pain in the neck (Clayton Kershaw and the Dodgers would say worse things), but he can help our make-believe clubs. He's on a .321/.384/.481 roll in the second half, and has 17 runs and five steals since Aug. 1. Kirk Gibson considers him a regular now. Fill in your favorite Rico Suave memory below. … Kenley Jansen closed up Wednesday with Javy Guerra getting the expected day off. Guerra was also dealing with a fingernail issue in his messy Tuesday appearance, for what it's worth. … You never know what Jim Tracy is going to do with his lineup card, but Mark Ellis is trying to mark his territory. Ellis reached base seven times in the last two games in Milwaukee and stole a couple of bases. The Rockies start a seven-game homestand Thursday, then finish their season on the road. … Tony La Russa can say what he wants but we know the story with Jason Motte. The new Cardinals closer had no problem with the Pirates, putting them aside on 14 pitches in a clean ninth (two strikeouts). … Salvador Perez has a .302 average as KC's new catcher, but he's not hitting for much power (one homer, .415 slugging) and I don't like 17 strikeouts against just four walks. None for me, thanks. … Jim Johnson scored his fourth save in eight days as the plucky Orioles took two of three from Tampa Bay. Johnson can be had for nothing in 93 percent of Yahoo! leagues. Put down that Greg Salas, gamer; baseball isn't over yet. Finish what ya' started. … Chris Sale and Sergio Santos both stumbled in the ninth against the Tigers, paving the way for Detroit to win in extra innings. … Edwin Jackson beat the Pirates and he's been smooth in most of his NL starts, with the Milwaukee mess the lone exception. He'll likely be at home next week, drawing the Mets. … Ricky Nolasco posted six bagels against the Braves, then imploded in a four-run seventh (with Alex Gonzalez going deep). That's the Nolasco we know so well. … Matt Holliday (finger) probably won't play the rest of the season, which means he can start driving towards Walley World right now. … J.D. Drew (hand) hopes to swing a bat by the end of the week, so he can ultimately take pitches and and strike out looking for the Red Sox down the stretch. … The Mets finally made it official: Johan Santana won't pitch this year. … Mike Stanton (hamstring) might play in Thursday's nightcap at Philadelphia. They don't close Florida, but a lot of Marlins stars have been shut down early this year. … Shelley Duncan had a fun night patrolling left field down in Texas. Oh baseball, you so crazy. He's also been hitting of late, with a .943 OPS and six homers over his last 82 at-bats. The Dunk is available in 93 percent of Yahoo! leagues.

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Photo courtesy Associated Press