Each week the Noise highlights 10 bold names who he believes are destined to torpedo your team. For those playing the Lames home edition, each player must be started in at least 50 percent of Yahoo! leagues to qualify. As an accountability advocate, results, whether genius or moronic, will post the following week using the revamped scoring system shown here . If you're a member of TEAM HUEVOS, post your Week 7 Lames in the comments.
Philip Rivers, SD, QB (Noise Week 7 QB Rank: 13, 78-percent started)
Matchup: at NYJ
A river may run through it, but if "it" is New York, quarterbacks be dammed. Darrelle Revis and Antonio Cromartie have lived up to their advanced billing as stalwarts. Only one quarterback, Tony Romo Week 1, has recorded a multi-TD performance against the Top Guns this season. Even the supposedly uncontainable Tom Brady failed to accomplish the feat. Overall, Rivers has underachieved somewhat through five games. The yards have been there (307 ypg), but his 6:7 TD:INT split has left a little to be desired. Considering the weakness of the Jets defense resides in the trenches (When Reggie Bush gashes you for 71 yards on 10 carries that says volumes about your problems), Norv Turner will likely lean heavily on his one-two ground punch of Ryan Mathews and Mike Tolbert. As well he should. The tandem is on pace to shatter Keith Byars and Terry Kirby's single season receiving yardage record for a duo in NFL history, a mark set all the way back when Snow was bumping your mix-tape (1993). Though check-downs will be prevalent, it's very possible the Chargers' usual 52:48 pass-to-run split could be flipped. LaDainian Tomlinson's battle against his former team may dominate the headlines. But the Jets secondary is bound to steal the show. Even with Antonio Gates expected to back, Rivers is a shaky QB1 in Week 7. Keep in mind his best downfield weapon, Vincent Jackson, has been limited in practice this week by a nagging hamstring injury.
Fearless Forecast: 20-33, 262 passing yards, 1 touchdown, 2 interceptions, 15.1 fantasy points
Maurice Jones-Drew, Jax, RB (Noise Week 7 RB Rank: 21, 92-percent started)
Matchup: vs. Bal
Oompa Loompah doop-a-dee-do, those who start MJD better get a clue. The popular early-round pick is the undisputed centerpiece of a miserable offense that just reclaimed Mike Sims-Walker off waivers from St. Louis, a clear act of desparation. Jones-Drew, faced with several overloaded boxes this year, has earned a Purple Heart for his services, averaging 12.8 points per week, the 14th-best output among rushers. However, on pace for just 24 receptions, he's mysteriously been underutilized in the passing game, a strange occurrence with rookie Blaine Gabbert under center. Recall just three seasons ago he hauled in 62 balls. Against Baltimore's aggressive pass rush one would assume he might take on a larger role in the vertical game, but, even if he does, MJD will be contained. Overall, Ray Lewis and friends have limited RBs to just 3.3 yards per carry, 99.8 total yards per game and one touchdown, equal to the second-fewest fantasy points allowed. And that was achieved against the likes of Rashard Mendenhall, Chris Johnson, Steven Jackson and Arian Foster. Yes, he'll get his customary 20-25 touches, but don't expect a sweet-tasting finish.
Steven Jackson, StL, RB (Noise Week 7 RB Rank: 19, 70-percent started)
Matchup: at Dal
Traditionally, defenses could shoot, stab, electrocute, dismember, feed to Zanesville's un-caged menagerie, the Rasputin of the NFL, but he would still find a way to total at least 90 yards. Last week versus Green Bay is a prime example. Against the fourth unfriendliest run defense in the league Jackson racked 129 total yards. Faced with another daunting matchup, a similar scenario could unfold this week in Big D. However, with Sam Bradford handicapped by a high ankle sprain and because St. Louis' poor run-blocking remains unresolved, the workhorse will likely struggle. DeMarcus Ware and company are extremely athletic and active in the box. Their ability to snuff out the run is nearly unmatched. Only San Francisco and Baltimore have yielded fewer fantasy points to rushers this season. The 'Boys, giving up just 3.3 yards per carry, have yet to allow a running back to surpass 60 yards on the ground or 85 yards in total. Without question, Jackson is a fighter, but because of the Rams' defensive shortcomings and weak offensive punch, the rusher could be down for the count early. Bank on him only as a back-end RB2 in deeper leagues.
Fearless Forecast: 19 carries, 67 rushing yards, 3 receptions, 12 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 10.2 fantasy points
Roddy White, Atl, WR (Noise Week 7 WB Rank: 22, 96-percent started)
Matchup: at Det
Stud theorists would maintain to never, ever, under any circumstance, designate a proven wideout a "Lame" no matter how intimidating the matchup. Though that may be true, the bigger question remains: Is the not-so-Hot Roddy still an elite wide receiver? Based on his No. 30 ranking among WRs (per game average), he's only a mid-tiered WR3. The reasons for White's early season downfall are twofold: 1) Julio Jones has wrested away a sizable chunk of targets, 2) The Falcons offensive line has underperformed, leading to more Matt Ryan sacks and thus less production downfield. Understandably, White, a player who typically wears emotions on his sleeve, has outwardly expressed his frustration, flagged for personal fouls in consecutive games. Eventually, he'll snap out of it, but don't expect a reversal of fortune this week in Motown. Lions corner Chris Houston has played well this season, holding No. 1 targets to a marginal 67.1 yards per game. In fact, only three receivers (Dwayne Bowe, Michael Jenkins and Laurent Robinson) have eclipsed the 80-yard mark against Detroit this year. With or without Julio, this Dirty Bird may stay grounded.
Fearless Forecast: 6 receptions, 63 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 10.8 fantasy points
Jordy Nelson, GB, WR (Noise Week 7 WR Rank: 28, 73-percent started)
Matchup: at Min
Among Green Bay's superbly talented receiving corps, Greg Jennings, deserves the utmost adulation, rightfully so. However, Nelson, a true consistency king, also should be showered in praise. Despite netting just 5.1 targets per game, the deep threat checks in at No. 16 among WRs in per game average, sandwiched between more ballyhooed targets Larry Fitzgerald and Dez Bryant. Long, explosive pass plays is the backbone of Jordy's game. Three of his four scores have occurred on connections of 50 or more yards. In bonus leagues he's absolutely money. But this week he may only be worth pocket change. Cover 2 defenses, a scheme that usually stamps out big vertical plays, has wreaked havoc on the 26-year-old. The Bears limited him to just three catches for 40 in Week 4. And last year against the Vikes, Nelson caught seven passes for only 45 yards. He also failed to score. With or without Antoine Winfield, Chris Cook and Cedric Grifin, each ranked inside the top-20 in the league in coverage according to Pro Football Focus, should be able to stand their ground. Hold the Gouda.
Fearless Forecast: 3 receptions, 45 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 6.8 fantasy points
BONUS WEEK 7 LAMES
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