Each week the Noise highlights 10 bold names who he believes are destined to torpedo your team. For those playing the Lames home edition, each player must be started in at least 50 percent of Yahoo! leagues to qualify. As an accountability advocate, results, whether genius or moronic, will post the following week using the revamped scoring system shown here . If you're a member of TEAM HUEVOS, post your Week 16 Lames in the comments.
Eli Manning, NYG, QB (Week 16 Noise QB Rank: 15, 59-percent started)
Matchup: at NYJ
No one should touch Eli with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole. Little Cindy Lou Who would agree. Prior to last week's catastrophic, 257-0-3 choke job against a Redskins defense that was torched by Tom Brady the week before, the junior Manning was having his finest fantasy season yet. His 24.3 points per week output was the sixth-best at his position, ranking above higher-priced commodities Tony Romo, Michael Vick and Philip Rivers. Eli notched 10 multi-TD performances in 13 games. Sadly, with the pressure-cooker cranked to 11, he cracked. Misreads, misconnections, missed opportunities — the $100 million man simply folded. Hakeem Nicks also deserves considerable blame. His miserable 9.8-point performance in traditional formats eliminated many. Those lucky enough to survive the Manning meltdown, should keep the QB's cheeks firmly planted on the bench. The Jets secondary is far from invincible. Three passers since Week 10 (Tom Brady, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Michael Vick) took the unit to task, each surpassing the 25-point barrier. Still, Darrelle Revis and company have given up just 6.6 yards per attempt during that stretch. With playoff aspirations on the line for both teams, expect the signal caller to crumble under the heat of an agressive Jets pass rush. New York's Mr. Grinch is indeed as cuddly as a cactus.
Fearless Forecast: 20-37, 241 passing yards, 1 touchdown, 2 interceptions, 14.1 fantasy points
Adrian Peterson, Min, RB (Week 16 Noise RB Rank: 17, 72-percent started)
Matchup: at Wash
Most weeks Peterson is fantasy's Abominable Snowman of the North. But this week in Washington he'll be, as the great Yukon Cornelius would say, one "Humble Bumble." Leslie Frazier, his team buried under an avalanche of points by visiting New Orleans last week, kept the former rush king under wraps, much to the RB's dismay. In total, Peterson touched the rock just 10 times, ripping off 60 yards. Toby Gerhart actually played two more snaps than the incumbent. Peterson, understandably not the jolliest of elves post-game, noted he was prepared to handle a rigorous workload and was upset by the outcome. However, he also admitted he wasn't operating at "full-speed." His owners, infuriated by yet another Peterson fantasy playoff letdown, lashed out at the top pick via Twitter. Peterson's response: "Go kick rocks." Guess Adrian didn't want to appease the fantasy community after all. Purple Jesus Jerk. A more substantial workload is likely this week, but isn't guaranteed. Clearly, his ankle sprain isn't fully healed. Washington, showing more inflexibility against the run, is also a stiffer opponent than most think. Over the past five weeks, the 'Skins have given up just 3.9 yards per carry to RBs. Toss in the likelihood Minnesota plays from behind, and it's conceivable Peterson disappoints again. Exercise caution. Seriously.
Fearless Forecast: 18 carries, 84 rushing yards, 2 receptions, 12 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 8.4 fantasy points, 11.1 fantasy points
Michael Turner, Atl, RB (Week 16 Noise RB Rank: 25, 88-percent started)
Matchup: at NO
The Burner, bothered by nagging groin injuries, has failed to kick on the turboboosters of late, routinely plodding into the fray for minimal gains. Over his past four games, he's tallied just 3.3 yards per carry. Eleven days off should help heal any lingering wounds, but Atlanta's recent poor run-blocking doesn't bode well for an immediate turnaround. At 29, it appears Turner has started down the path of deterioration, a journey many prominent rushers experienced at a similar juncture in their careers. Slowly rotting away, he hasn't seen 40 snaps in a game since Week 12. As a result, Mike Mularkey could lean on younger, more exuberant backs Jason Snelling and Jacquizz Rodgers down the stretch. The Saints are generally resistless up front. They've surrendered 5.1 yards per carry to RBs on the year. But many backs, like Peterson last week, have fallen victim to the scoreboard. Large insurmountable leads built up by Drew Brees have forced offensive coordinators to abandon the run much earlier than anticipated. This is a factor that plays into every New Orleans matchup, even against a quality opponent. In the teams' first clash in Week 10, the Falcons kept it close, which allowed Turner to be active for most of the game. That week he totaled a handsome 106 yards. But with the encore set for the Superdome, the points disparity should be much wider, making the Burner a very risky option.
Fearless Forecast: 16 carries, 63 rushing yards, 1 reception, 7 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 7.7 fantasy points
Roy Helu, Was, RB (Week 16 Noise RB Rank: 22, 78-percent started)
Matchup: vs. Min
Down on the depth chart to begin the year, Helu has staked his claim as Lucifer's premier featured back. A tough interior runner with plus speed and sensational hands, he has become one of the virtual game's best all-around producers. Extrapolate what the rookie has accomplished in five starts (130.2 total yards per game, two TDs) over a full 16-game slate (2,032 total yards, seven TDs), and he would easily be one of the top-three rushers in fantasy, particularly in PPR formats. Without question, he will be the subject of much discussion, in terms of draft position, come August. Shanahan understands his long-term potential. That is exactly why Helu, limited by a toe and ankle injuries last week against the Giants, may see a decrease in touches over the final two weeks. With the 'Skins out of the playoff hunt, Evan Royster, who totaled a season-high 10 carries last week, could be evaluated further. Helu's setback couldn't come at a more inopportune time. Washington hosts a Minnesota defense that's yielded 164 total yards per game and four touchdowns since Week 11, equal to the eighth-most fantasy points allowed. The youngster, averaging an exhausting 27.2 touches per game over the past five weeks, may net a 10-12 touch reduction this week, especially given the Vikings' derelict efforts against the pass. With championship dreams on the line, Helu is nothing more than a flex option in 12-team leagues.
Fearless Forecast: 14 carries, 53 rushing yards, 3 receptions, 15 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 9.1 fantasy points
Dez Bryant, Dal, WR (Week 16 Noise WR Rank: 27, 88-percent started)
Matchup: vs. Phi
Socialism is starting to take hold in Dallas. Don't tell Rick Perry. With all parts finally healthy, the Cowboys' offense has taken on a Saints-like identity. Romo, the Karl Marx of Big D, has spread the wealth accurately and efficiently. Over the past three weeks only Brees, Rodgers, Brady and Cam have been better fantasy-wise. Though Dez has also performed admirably during that stretch and beyond -- he's scored in five of his past six games -- the talented wideout hasn't exactly delivered in the receptions department. He's attracted six targets or fewer in three of his last four. And since Week 11, he's grabbed five or more balls in a game only once. The return of Miles Austin combined with Romo's affections for Laurent Robinson have evened out the targets distribution. Dez did little in his last meeting with the Eagles, catching three passes for just 28 yards. Robinson was the fantasy hero in that game. But with Romo fully healthy and Austin in uniform, circumstances are different this time around. Still with Asante Samuel "ready to go" after tweaking his hammy last week, it could be another dull performance for the Dallas star. Secondary targets are averaging just 50.2 yards per game against Philly. Considering the enormity of the game in terms of playoff leverage, it wouldn't be at all surprising if Andy Reid's bunch, for once, rises to the occasion. Be worried Dez owners. Be very worried.
Fearless Forecast: 4 receptions, 41 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 7.1 fantasy points
BONUS WEEK 16 LAMES
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