This is peak trading season in imaginary baseball, too, because every team's needs are now perfectly clear, and there are still 10 weeks remaining in the season — plenty of time to reshuffle the standings.
Also, many of us are sick of seeing this in our active lineups…
…so we trade. It's part of the game. For lots of owners, it's actually the most enjoyable part of the game. It's never easy to complete deals in competitive leagues, particularly in formats where the free agent pool is bereft of goodness. But we try.
Certain trading partners are intolerable, however. It's possible that I've been dealing with a few of these owners recently.
1. The Junk Peddler. Yeah, sure, it's accurate to say that Aaron Rowand(notes), Will Venable(notes) and Michael Cuddyer(notes) have combined to hit more home runs than Miguel Cabrera(notes). I'll concede the point. But this fact won't convince me to pull the trigger on the three-for-one. No, Pelfrey does not sweeten the deal. Stop piling on.
2. The Essayist. If Austin Kearns(notes) were traded for Tyler Clippard(notes) in real-life, the Internet might not produce 1,000 words on the transaction. I'm not at all interested in reading a four-paragraph analysis (with bar chart) of why, exactly, this trade works for both of us. I'm rejecting the deal simply because you've exceeded the maximum word-count.
3. The Ricciardi. After days of negotiation, concessions, offers and counter-offers, agreements in principle … nothing. This owner won't approve a deal, not unless it's an overwhelming win. And even then, maybe not. He'll sleep on it. No promises.
"Just can't see how I can afford to give up Wright. Sorry."
Sure, no sweat. Not sure what I was thinking, making trade offers for players on your trade block.
4. The Canceller. Before I even finished reading the system-generated email that notified me of your trade offer, I received a second system-generated email telling me the offer had been withdrawn. Stop it. You're spamming. Yahoo! has clearly enabled this problem, I'll admit. We shouldn't allow trade proposals to be immediately withdrawn.
5. The Dude Who Really Doesn't Care What You Need ("DWRDCWYN" for short). Let's just say, hypothetically, that I already own four closers in a head-to-head league — we'll call them Carlos Marmol(notes), K-Rod, Jonathan Papelbon(notes) and Billy Wagner(notes) — and my team's current record in saves is 11-2-2. This hypothetical team would have no obvious need for Kevin Gregg(notes) — that's not to say the roster doesn't have any needs, but Gregg isn't one of them. Hypothetically. Take a moment to figure out if potential trading partners have any use for the drek you're offering.
OK, that's my list. Feel free to enhance it in comments. Perhaps No. 6 should be, "The Miserable [Expletive] Who Blogs About Failed Trades."
Please note: No reasonable Ibanez offer will be refused. The unreasonable offers will at least be considered.
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- Major League Baseball