Week 16 fantasy rankings:

Scott Pianowski

A column about nothing

Scott Pianowski
Roto Arcade

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This is a tricky weekend for me - no football, no hockey, baseball hasn't totally kicked in yet, and I broke up with the NBA 15 years ago. But the blog has to be fed, and with that, here's an experimental idea.

A collection of thoughts, random, finished or unfinished, connected to nothing. Ready, steady, go.

Daisuke Matsuzaka is the easiest call of the year - forget the 18-3 record, don't take that 2.90 ERA seriously (the peripherals suggest something over 4) and let someone else overpay. You can't get a good price on a Boston star, anyway.

I want to be bullish on Lastings Milledge and Elijah Dukes, but the Nationals have to assure me they're not going to play the wrong guys. I'm looking at you, Austin Kearns.

Adrian Beltre would be embraced as a solid, underrated fantasy player if everyone stopped holding the monstrous 2004 season against him. He's probably going to fetch you .270-80-25-90-10, what's wrong with that?

Just a gut feel, this second year of Flight of the Conchords has major letdown written all over it.

I had no idea where MTV was on DirecTV and it was a good thing. Now we have digital cable and I don't know where any of the channels are.

Every cell phone company has fleas, that's just the way it goes.

Knowing how your opponents view the fantasy player pool is as least as important as your own views on the pool - and maybe even more important.

I've got no agenda for Kurt Warner but I can't figure how two regular-season MVPs, one Super Bowl MVP, an 8-2 playoff record, one championship and three Super Bowl trips doesn't make you a Hall of Fame lock. Longevity, you say? That word doesn't apply in the NFL. You build a museum to honor Sandy Koufax and Nirvana, not Huey Lewis and the News.

There are some second-level stats that support Alex Gordon, but I'm scared by that career line against lefties (.234/.312/.317). The true post-hype opportunity on Gordon won't come until the new decade.

Golf becomes a lot more fun when you accept you're not that good at it.

There are a lot of flaws in Jerry Maguire and it's closer to being a chick flick than a guy movie, but I'll still re-watch it once before the NFL Draft,

If you're looking to speed-adopt a new show, grab the first season of The White Shadow and thank me later. So far ahead of its time, and other than the size of the gym, everything's real.

Everyone loves to throw sugar at Ron Gardenhire for some reason, but he had the wrong guy hitting leadoff (Carlos Gomez) for three months last year.

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When did they mess up Pop Tarts, and how can we fix this?

Matt Wieters was taken obscenely early in every December mock draft I did, something I can't totally understand. Given how far the Orioles are from serious contention, what incentive is there to start Wieters's clock right away? Maybe this turns into another Evan Longoria story, but I think we'll be Waiting for Guffman most of the year.

If you know you'll be in the bar most of the night, the first thing you do is monopolize the jukebox.

No one ever tells you in your 20s so I'll tell you - you're better off with an ordinary-looking girl that's fun and treats you well as opposed to a great-looking girl that's high maintenance.

There are times to be frugal in life, but not when you're buying headphones.

Most star hitters lose interest in running eventually, and I think Hanley Ramirez is getting very close to that point. Fredi Gonzalez was encouraging him to run less last year, and I didn't hesitate to take Alex Rodriguez No. 1 in the Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball Magazine Mock Draft (coming in February!).

Never trust anyone who wakes you up from a nap for no good reason.

Every baseball club has the potential to support a fantasy-worthy closer, even the terrible teams. Every spring it's the same question - how can I get saves on a budget?

It's hard for anything U2-related to be underrated, but I'll apply the tag to "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me."

I was three years late on The Squid and the Whale but it was worth the wait. Family dysfunction, tennis, plagiarism, subtlety - that's a good broth.

Matt Holliday trades thin air Colorado for grand-canyon Oakland and his ADP takes a tiny hit. Explain this one to me - you're really not petrified of his career on the road?

I'm right there with Lebowski, I hate the freakin' Eagles, too.

Don't get mad at me if I extrapolate some of these thoughts into full blog posts, or recycle them (accidentally) later in the year. Purposefully or not, it's bound to happen.

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Photos via Getty Images and Junk Food Blog

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