Umm, seriously Dave Trembley, what magic elixir did you serve Daniel Cabrera?
Orange Gatorade with a twinge of Jim Palmer Jockey juice?
Maybe, Red Bull splashed with Mike Boddicker crack sweat?
After leading the AL in a several regrettable categories last season - losses (18), walks (108) and earned runs (126) - the Pale O's "ace" has experienced a remarkable reversal of fortune, an impossible one really.
In today's matinee versus the Boston Red Sox, a club that had tattooed him for 43 earned runs in 49.1 career innings, the perennial sleeper tossed seven strong innings yielding 10 hits, three earned and, get this, zero walks.
The 10.7 percent owned Cabrera has now logged seven quality starts (all in a row) over the first month and a half of the season. That's only five fewer than he compiled during his entire '07 campaign.
Detailed in the May 9 edition of the Baltimore Sun, Cabrera believes his amnesic philosophy and renewed confidence in his 93-95 mph sinker are responsible for his miraculous turnaround:
"I am trying to remember nothing in the past. I am just keeping forward from here, man... I've always had the sinker," Cabrera said. "I've been scared of throwing it too many times. Now, pitching coach Rick Kranitz told me to keep throwing [it] and you'll see good results. So far, that's what it is."
Based on his skyward 56.7 GB% and greatly refined command ('07 BB/9: 4.05, '08: 3.59) the expectation that the enigmatic starter could be a strong fantasy No. 3 isn't improbable if the current trends persist.
But don't bank on it.
Cabrera's rather fortunate .226 BABIP, shrunken K/9 ('07: 7.31, '08: 5.54) and occasional mental lapses - he issued seven free passes April 28 against the White Sox - suggest his ERA will inflate close to 4.50 by midseason.
With the Orioles overachieving, it's heady to ride Cabrera's hot hand in 12-team mixed leagues. But if the quality start streak continues through Memorial Day, turn a profit.
•Tonight's glorious Milwaukee implosion belongs to...wait for it...Guillermo Mota. With the Brewers leading 4-3 in the ninth, Mota induced Blake DeWitt to groundout, but then walked Delwyn Young, yielded a single to Andre Ethier, a two-run double to Juan Pierre and an RBI groundout to Andruw Jones. Shockingly, Eric Gagne was unavailable. No one in the Brewers pen should be trusted right now. Hell, Ned Yost might as well give costumed sausage, Cinco, a chance to close.
•Cleveland's C.C. Sabathia is officially back on track. His complete game, 11-strikeout gem against the A's was one of the finest pitching performances of his career. Impatient owners who sold C.C. down the river for a bag of Cheetohs and Johnny Cueto three weeks ago will kick themselves the rest of the season.
•Starting at short in place of imp bitten infielder Jeff Keppinger, who is out for the next 4-6 weeks, Jerry Hairston went 3-for-4, with two runs, an RBI and a stolen base. Recalled unexciting prospect Paul Janish will spell the well-traveled Hairston occasionally, but if he continues to bat in the two-hole, the 0.18 percent owned SS/OF is worth adding in deep-benched 12-team mixed leagues.
•Recently acquired Mets starter Claudio Vargas surrendered two runs, three hits and four walks in 6.1 innings versus the clap happy Nationals. He also chipped in six strikeouts. When on, Vargas' offspeed junk is extremely effective. NL-only owners in dire straits for pitching may want to add the 99.8 percent available hurler.
•On the other side of the ledger, Tim Redding boosted his record to 5-3 tossing six innings of one-run ball. Two years removed from shoulder surgery, Redding has regained his mid-90s velocity and has consistently stayed ahead in counts. Throw in a much improved groundball rate ('07 GB%: 38.3, '08: 44.9) and increased K/9 ('07: 5.04, '08: 6.35), and the 30-year-old is becoming more mixed-league attractive with each start. He's still available in 80 percent of Y! leagues.
•Former 2006 No. 1 pick Luke Hochevar tallied his third quality start in his past four appearances, tossing six scoreless innings versus Detroit. Although he won't garner much run support, his bountiful amount of groundball outs (52.1 GB%) and respectable 7.71 K/9 are indications he could sustain an ERA in the high 3s. You could do whole lot worse than the 99 percent available Royals rotation caboose.
•Today's completely irrelevant saves were earned by Seattle's Jarrod Washburn and Atlanta's Blaine Boyer. After the Mariners bullpen was exhausted in extra innings, including J.J. Putz in the 10th and 11th, Washburn jogged in for the 12th to record a 1-2-BB-3 save, the first, and likely last, of his career. Meanwhile, with Manny Acosta unavailable - he pitched in two consecutive nights - Boyer tallied an adventurous 26-pitch save. Both will be completely unremembered after drowning your brain in suds this weekend.
•Canadian matryoshka doll, Matt Stairs, crushed his sixth home run, a grand slam off Grizzly Behrens' homey-lover-friend Boof Bonser, raising his season RBI total to 14. Now hitting .304 on the season, the 40-year-old powder keg continues to defy age. Eligible at 1B/OF the 2.2 percent owned Stairs is worth rostering in 12-team and deeper mixed leagues.
•The needle on the Billy Butler Ass-O-Meter continues to hover in the Sarah Michelle Gellar flat-bottom range. Tonight's line: 1-for-4, Season BA: .279.
For those of you itching to chastise the Noise on the appropriate night - Right, cyber-stalker wuts23? - post your vitriolic comments below.