Sergio Ramos can't stop scoring goals and he might be a wizard

A few years ago, Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos was dropping trophies under buses and launching penalties into Jupiter. Though he has always been a very good player (in between frequent red cards), he has reached a new level of existence in recent weeks and it should make you feel emotions that don't exist yet.

In each of his nine seasons with Real Madrid, Ramos has scored 4-6 goals without fail. But in his last five matches, he's scored fives times — including two against Bayern Munich in the Champions League semifinal. His latest came in Real Madrid's 1-1 draw against Valladolid. With Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale injured, Ramos curled in a free kick because that's what he can do now.

And to further prove that he knows no earthly limits at the moment, he's also been scoring from behind the goal in training.

This is all roughly equivalent to those people who get hit in the head and suddenly know how to speak colloquial Latin and play the oboe.

And to top it all off, his girlfriend even popped out a Sergio Ramos Jr. in the midst of all of this. The man is scoring so much that he's even produced a miniature version of himself to help him score even more.

The polar vortex. Latvia adopting the euro. Sergio Ramos pumping out goals. These are signs from the cosmos that reality is a greased water balloon and you'll never be able to throw it. Just accept this and let the multiplying Sergio Ramoses do what they will.

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Brooks Peck

is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter! Follow @BrooksDT