Most French senior citizens do not look like this (lequipe.fr)

In a game full of drama, toilet paper and tennis balls, Montpellier beat Auxerre over the weekend to win its first-ever Ligue 1 title — much to the chagrin of its oil-rich rivals at Paris Saint-Germain.

On April 15, Montpellier's outspoken president Louis Nicollin told French TV channel TF1 that he would sport a mohawk like PSG winger Jeremy Menez if his club finished first. He also said he would dye it orange and blue to match his club's colors.

True to his word, Nicollin appeared Monday on TV channel France3 sporting a haircut that isn't quite befitting of a portly 68-year-old French businessman. According to French paper L'Équipe, Nicollin also placed a disturbing new wager on his team's future success:

"If we win the Champions League next season, I shave everywhere."

And now you have an excellent reason not to back Montepellier's upcoming European campaign.

H/T @tomwfootball

The role of Carles Puyol will be played by a wet dog

Great news for fans of Green Street, Bend It Like Beckham and Soccer Dog: European Cup — the rich and illustrious canon of soccer in the cinema is set to be expanded with a Hollywood movie about FC Barcelona.

Paul Greengrass— the  Oscar-winning British director of United 93, The Bourne Ultimatum and Green Zone — is currently at the Cannes Film Festival looking for international backers for "an epic cinematic portait of FC Barcelona", which will focus primarily on the four years in which Pep Guardiola guided the Catalan giants to 13 trophies. The LA Times reports:

Titled "Barca," the movie will examine the process and legacy of one of the world's most famous sports franchises, looking at a team as it prepares for the 2012-2013 campaign, in which it will seek to reclaim its title in Spain's La Liga, with a particular emphasis on its successful run over the last several years. Greengrass aims to begin shooting the movie later this year, after he wraps his newest feature.

Much like Soccer

Not only has FC Dallas' visit to Columbus Crew provided us with a textbook throat-kick DTotD, but also a fine example of assistant referee abuse. FC Dallas' Brek Shea was unhappy with the linesman for calling a foul on him, and expressed his disappointment via the medium of volleying the ball directly at the official's stomach.

He escaped without a yellow card for the incident — as did the Crew's Tony Tchani for what looked like an obvious flop — but the U.S. national team midfielder wasreprimanded by MLS on Thursday with a three-match suspension and an undisclosed fine.

It seems like a reasonably strong punishment, but at least half of the fine has to be for that haircut.

The weather is even nicer than this in Manchester (Facebook.com)

In the promotional materials for the upcoming 2012/13 Manchester United tablecloth jersey, manufacturer Nike has been proudly stressing the city's role in the Industrial Revolution. The "gingham" fabric of the new shirt was made famous by Manchester cotton mills in the 18th century, so therefore Wayne Rooney will have to dress like something you set up a picnic on throughout next season.

As part of their "Made of Manchester" promotion campaign, Nike posted the above image to the Manchester Utd Facebook page this week. It stayed live until someone realized the grim industrial landscape was actually an enchanting vista of Oldham, and not the city that's home to Old Trafford, the Gallagher brothers and the reigning Premier League champions.

Strictly speaking, Oldham is in Greater Manchester, but it is far enough from the city of Manchester to denote an epic marketing fail in this instance. According to The Sun, a spokesman has said "it will not be used in any other part of the campaign."

Clearly this Slovan Bratislava fan hasn't flicked through his copy of Hooliganism For Dummies lately. The chapter about not staring down the barrel of a flare while you light it would have been particularly relevant during his visit to Slovak Super Liga rivals FK DAC.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events. Doth of the cap to @VikingATS for the video tip.

In Argentino B, the fourth tier of Argentinean football, teams are required to field ten outfield players and a goalkeeper. Much like teams in the rest of the world. Huracan Las Heras, however, temporarily flouted this convention during their visit to rivals Club Atletico Union over the weekend.

With the Huracan keeper beaten during an Atletico attack, substitute shot stopper Fernando Espinoza decided to step on the pitch and lend a hand, obstructing what would have been a certain goal. Like a kid who has just stuffed dog poop into the tail pipe of his principal's car, Espinoza turns around and hastily retreats as if nothing had happened.

Incredibly, Atletico were only given a corner kick for the incident, and the back-up goalie got away with just a yellow card. Espinoza later said his reaction was "instinct", which must be an Argentinean word for "cheating".

H/T 101GG

Yokohama's J-League visit to Hiroshima this last weekend was only six minutes old when Hiroshima's Toshihiro Aoyama picked up the ball in his own half and decided the time was right to make a 75-yard attempt at goal. The audacious strike paid off, and the icing was laid on the long-range-shot cake when Aoyama bowled his teammates over with a superb orchestrated celebration. It would have been nice if he had nailed the strike, but full credit to Aoyama for picking up a very difficult 7-10 split.

Despite being humiliated with a cocky goal and showboating celebration in the first six minutes, visitors Yokohama had the last laugh by eventually winning the game 3-1.

H/T 101GG

See no maps, hear no GPS and speak no directions were unable to help the stranded fans (Getty)

Athletic Bilbao last won silverware in 1984, so fans of the popular Basque side travelled in their droves to attend the Europa League Final earlier this week for a chance to witness a rekindling of their former glory. Sadly, Falcao and ten other Atletico Madrid players were 3-0 victors on the night, which was particularly hard news to take for the 400 Athletic Club fans who traveled to Hungary for the game by mistake.

The final was held in Bucharest, Romania, but the geographically embarrassed supporters found themselves in vaguely-similar-sounding Budapest, a city roughly 500 miles away and in a completely different country. The Journal reports:

The Spanish TV channel Antena 3 is reporting that the group of fans travelled to Budapest instead of Bucharest, before trying to correct their mistake by getting to the correct city on time.

They failed. They couldn't find the Romanian capital on the map.

The fans — who were clearly too excited to cross reference the name of the destination