Ahead of Bayern Munich's trip to the Emirates on Tuesday, Arsene Wenger held a press conference in which he was hilariously vexed by almost every single question.

Firstly, a journalist asks if rumors of a two-year extension on his contract are accurate. Rather than saying "no," the Frenchman launches into a lengthy diatribe about being insulted by "wrong information," apparently assuming the journalist had personally told the world he had already signed the deal in puppy blood, while repeatedly stamping on Jack Wilshere's ankle.

Then comes the greatest exchange in the history of football press conferences:

Wenger: Why do you look at me?

Journalist: Because it's your press conference.

Perhaps after realizing invited journalists at a press conference had a reasonably good excuse to be looking at him, the Arsenal manager then fielded — and batted away — a question about Saturday's disappointing FA Cup loss to Blackburn. After making the fair point that they were attending a press

Never slap Nigerian striker Frank Temile during training.

Dynamo Kiev's Dmitry Korkishko learned this lesson the hard way when he landed an open palm on his teammate's face during a practise session in the Ukrainian capital this week. Temile swiftly responded with a brutal left hook, which quickly escalated into a full-scale fisticuffs fracas. The Nigerian was so enraged that he has to be pulled away by his ankles, which is always a good sign of a tenacious beatdown.

It's the kind of intense training ground violence that John Hartson would be proud of.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events. Video via Sport.

Yulu-Matondo's refusal to use his legs often causes problems (Getty)

Sitting five points clear of safety in the League One relegation zone, Bury have been keen to bolster an attack that has mustered just 31 goals, the second lowest tally in the division. After a three-week trial, manager Kevin Blackwell signed former Belgian U-21 international Jeanvion Yulu-Matondo on non-contract terms.

The 27-year-old had a promising resume: he played for a host of top-flight European sides, and once scored for Club Brugge in a Champions League match against Juventus.

After playing a single reserve game against Bolton, however, the Congo-born forward was released by the struggling Greater Manchester side after just one day. Shakers manager Blackwell explained the abrupt exit to the club's official site:

“Yulu was a free agent; he was out of contract and had shown a little bit in training. I signed him on non-contract terms with a view to looking at him in the reserves against Bolton, if he had shown something in that game, I might have been able to throw him on the

Samba tries to explain the thickness of his wallet to Clint Hill (Getty)

In the football equivalent of a car dealer howling with laughter as you drive away from the showroom in a clunking lemon with sawdust in the tank and no brakes, Russian side Anzhi Makhachkala have belittled Queens Park Ranger's decision to take Christopher Samba off of their hands during the January window.

In a bid to stay in the afloat for another year, the club that sits seven points away from safety at the bottom of the Premier League triggered a release clause to pay a club-record fee of £12.5m ($19.5m) for the Congo defender. They also agreed to pay him £100,000 ($157,000) every single week over a four-and-a-half year contract. Despite the fact that he is 28. And his name is Chris Samba.

Speaking to a Russian news website, Anzhi director German Tkachenko said what we are all thinking, adding that they actually "wept" when the agreement was made. The Guardian translates:

"At QPR he will earn almost as much as he did at Anzhi. In my view QPR have lost their minds.

"When they

Rude slogan obscured by the Guardian of Morality Joey Barton (mrlenoir.com)

If you've ever woken up one day and thought "I'd like to dress more like that maniac Djibril Cisse," then you may already have found his fashion brand Mr. Lenoir.

The men's and women's lifestyle marque de mode, owned and created by the on-loan QPR striker, announced the release of several new t-shirt designs via Twitter on Thursday.

The highlight is surely a garment named "Mr Lenoir F**k Tee" which carries a slogan all-but guaranteed to fend off families and members of the opposite sex: "Fornication Under Consent of the King".

The keen observers will note that the first letters of the slogan combine to make a rude word, which Yahoo! decency guidelines require us to partially obscure with an angry Joey Barton face.

If you wish to make yourself unwelcome in public spaces, it can be yours for just £25. You should probably pick up one of these while you're there. And just marvel at this...

(acmilan.com)

Earlier this week, Paolo Berlusconi — brother of Milan owner and hilariously corrupt Prime Ministerial candidate Silvio — sparked controversy by referring to new Rossoneri signing Mario Balotelli as “il negretto di famiglia.” This is a very old fashioned term that essentially translates to something pretty racist.

Today, however, everything is totally cool, as the official AC Milan website published a picture of the right wing newspaper publisher and Super Mario embracing and smiling with one another at Milanello (Milan's training ground).

Since his surname is Berlusconi, Paolo has not made an apology for his wrongdoing, but he told the Milan Channel that he spoke to Balotelli, who was content to downplay the whole incident. Football Italia translates the quotes thusly:

“I spoke to Balotelli, though in reality there was no need, seeing as he is an intelligent lad.

“He had already understood my phrase was an affectionate one that was turned into a stupid media circus. Let us close this

Ridiculously named Liverpool midfielder Jonjo Shelvey earned his seventh England U-21 cap in a 4-0 victory over Sweden at Walsall's Bescot Stadium on Tuesday night, and also managed to get on the scoresheet at the half-hour mark.

The former Charlton prodigy had an golden opportunity to score after 12 minutes earlier, however, when his domestic teammate Jordan Henderson delivered a perfect cross, gifting him a header at an open goal from two yards out. Against all odds, he managed to put it into the fourth row instead.

The commentator in the clip above neatly sums up what we are all thinking: "Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy, Shelvey, Shelvey."

Warning: video contains NSFW language

AC Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi is supposed to be in prison right now, with a three-year ban from holding public office for committing tax fraud. Thanks to the unique way Italian politics operate, however, the 76-year-old might actually be Prime Minister for the fourth time at the end of the month, after his purchase of Mario Balotelli caused a surge of popularity in his latest election campaign. Yes, that's the same Mario Balotelli whom Berlusconi called a "bad apple" a few weeks ago.

Silvio' younger brother Paolo, however, may have put a fly in the campaign ointment by making an abhorrent remark about Balotelli in a policital speech this week. According to the International Business Times and the video above, he said:

"That's all. Now let's go and watch the household's little n*****, the crazy head [Mario Balotelli]. Girls are also invited if they want to come with me. You'll also have the chance to meet with the president [Silvio Berlusconi]."