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With no still cameras or HD video allowed in the courtroom to broadcast images of crying witnesses and preening lawyers, those of us who want to see what's going on at the Barry Bonds perjury trial are forced to rely on a more old-fashioned profession: The courtroom sketch artist.

Luckily, there's a real credentialed pro sitting at the San Francisco federal courthouse each day of the trial in Norman Quebedeau, whose drawing of Jason Giambi looked eerily similar to a wide-screen version of one of the more famous self-portraits by post-Impressionist Vincent Van Gogh.

Heck, it almost looks one of those "If They Mated" illustrations, only between Vincent Van Gogh and the rotund ESPN analyst John Kruk. {YSP:MORE}

Quebedeau, who has also sketched the Prop 8 case in California and the infamous Scott Peterson trial, was himself sketched by Bethlehem Shoals for Deadspin in a move that is so meta, it might make the universe collapse upon itself.

Quebedeau has some other pretty wild

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On a day when the San Francisco Giants were battling the Los Angeles Dodgers on opening day about 400 miles down the coast, the most famous former Giant not named Willie Mays arrived at the federal courthouse for the seventh day of witnesses at his perjury trial. On Thursday, Bonds and the rest of the courtroom would hear from his doctor and a former friend, and his trial would take a turn in his favor.

No wonder he was smiling on his way out ...  {YSP:MORE}

Thursday's Main Event: The prosecution led off the day by calling Bonds' personal physician, Dr. Arthur Ting, to the stand. Dr. Ting, an orthopedic surgeon, performed eight surgeries on Bonds and prescribed him several perfectly legal steroids containing prednisone for recovery purposes since 1998. Ting helped the feds case by stating the symptoms for illegal steroids, but helped the defense when he said those symptoms can arise from legal steroids, too.

Bonds413Ting's big bombshell on Thursday was contradicting former Bonds friend Steve

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In the world of celebrity justice, the only thing worse than farce is sheer and utter boredom. If you were following the Barry Bonds perjury trial on Wednesday, you experienced a dose of boredom far more powerful than any steroid or hormone Bonds allegedly injected into his bloodstream.

What was once an interesting procession of witnesses for the prosecution, including a vengeful former Bonds confidant, Barry's spurned ex-mistress, and the tragicomic MVP-winning Jason Giambi has been reduced to boring old Randy Velarde and a couple of guys who handled Bonds' urine samples. We've gone from the Jack McCoy era of "Law & Order" all the way down to the Tracey Kibre era of "Law & Order: Trial by Jury." There simply is no comparison.

But, as the trial plods on, so do we. {YSP:MORE}

Wednesday's Main Event: Most of the proceedings on Wednesday were devoted to figuring out how the medical testing folks handled Bonds' urine sample in 2004. The UCLA drug lab did the testing of the pee sample that

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Tuesday was the most explosive day of the Barry Bonds trial yet!

No, seriously: The San Francisco police department blew up a suspicious backpack that was found on the street outside the federal courthouse. The scene in downtown San Francisco on Tuesday was like "Die Hard" meets a really boring episode of "Ally McBeal" except with frumpy Cristina Arguedas and without the alluring Jane Krakowski. We've gone straight from farce to action movie, folks.

More on that later. Of course, the big story of the day was the testimony of a few former big leaguers, including two famous brothers connected to steroids who played for the Oakland Athletics and whose last name is not Canseco.

Definitely narrows it down, no? {YSP:MORE}

Tuesday's Main Event: Former American League MVP Jason Giambi alleged that he received performance-enhancing drugs from Barry Bonds' former trainer Greg Anderson, which cements Anderson's role as steroid dealer to the stars. His brother Jeremy Giambi and former Bonds

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Just how big did Barry Bonds' head grow from allegedly taking steroids? The gossipy moment we've all been waiting for finally arrived on Monday when longtime San Francisco Giants equipment manager Mike Murphy (pictured below) finally came in from the hallway at the federal courthouse in San Francisco and testified how the size of Bonds' hat grew over the years. Spoiler alert: Murphy said Bonds' custom New Era 59/50 grew a whopping one-eighth of an inch in the first nine years he played for the Giants!

But Murphy's time on the hot seat was short and for good reason: the Giants season starts in three short days and he has a ton of work to do in the clubhouse at AT&T Park. Even more importantly, there was one more witness on Monday who had even closer interactions with Bonds while his alleged steroid use happened.

And ooh, it's a lady! {YSP:MORE}

Monday's Main Event: If Bonds squirmed uncomfortably in his prominent seat at his perjury trial on Monday, he had a good excuse: His most

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The Barry Bonds perjury trial, like a pot of hearty tomato sauce on low heat, is simmering right at the surface. But turn the dial on the gas stove up with some salacious details just a nudge and the whole thing will spill over, mess up the stovetop, and get everyone to notice.

Those juicy details haven't been spilled yet but what was revealed on Thursday will set up the emergence of some very private material in the coming days. But hey, Barry Bonds wore a new tie! Click below and learn some new science-y words, too. {YSP:MORE}

Thursday's Main Event: The first victim on the stand was the same victim who slogged through six hours of questioning on Tuesday: Bonds' former friend and valet Steve Hoskins. The big get Thursday? Defense lawyer Allen Ruby got Hoskins to admit that he gave Bonds' ex-mistress a $10,000 loan to lawyer up AND that Bonds told him he would go to the FBI about some misdoings involving memorabilia. Sounds like Hoskins only wants a taste of vengeance.

Also, there was

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The prosecutors may not be able to get Barry Bonds to admit he used steroids, and they might not be able to convince Bonds' former trainer to testify against him, but the feds will not stop short from taking advantage of one of Bonds' many broken relationships. By calling Bonds' former friend to the stand on Wednesday, the prosecution wanted to get solid evidence that Bonds knowingly injected steroids into his person and therefore lied to a grand jury.

After the jump, find out if the feds were able to produce useful testimony, see which witness got berated the most on the stand, and check out some advice on purchasing small electronic devices. {YSP:MORE}

Wednesday's Main Event: Bonds' childhood friend and one-time valet Steve Hoskins took the stand after Bonds' lawyer Allen Ruby (below) finished up his cross-examination of federal agent Jeff Novitzky early. Hoskins, who helped Bonds sell memorabilia and did odd jobs like purchasing shoes for the slugger, broke off their relationship

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Despite featuring one of the most well-known American sports figures of the past 25 years, the Barry Bonds trial will not prove to be the most exciting case in the history of the justice system. Bonds is not on trial for using steroids — as many might believe — only lying about whether he got injected with HGH by someone other than his doctor. True, the prosecution's onus is to convince the jury that Bonds did indeed use steroids to prove that a lie was told. But without Greg Anderson's testimony, the government is stuck with only three witnesses with an axe to grind on Barry's smooth head — an ex-girlfriend who posed for Playboy, and a brother and sister who Bonds accused of forging autographs.

So while this trial may never produce the "if the glove does not fit, you must acquit" moment, it might feature former big leaguer Bobby Estalella! And over the course of the next month or so, the Stew will seek to provide you with a daily update on the Bonds trial that has just gotten