Hot dog, is this pennant race about to explode!

Todd Zolecki from the Philly Inquirer reports that a suspicious package of hot dogs caused a bomb scare at Citizens Bank Park on Wednesday before the Braves-Phillies game. Some fans were even evacuated from the stadium and the box containing the offending franks was blown up by the bomb squad (with relish, of course), all apparently while the Phillies continued taking batting practice.

No buns or mustard were said to be harmed in the disarmament of the wieners.

However, the same could not be said for the dogs' delicious casing and inner contents.

The hot dogs, to be used as a prop in a commercial starring the Phillies mascot, the Phillie Phanatic, were wrapped heavily in white packaging and duct tape (think anthrax scare), and were to be fired by the Phanatic through its hot dog launcher (think overgrown aardvark with a bazooka) before imaginations and fears became overactive.

Perhaps with exploding wieners weighing heavily on their

The Giants have announced that 40-year-old J.T. Snow, who played first base for them from 1997 to 2005 and has not worn a major league uniform since 2006, has signed a "ceremonial contract" so that he may retire as a Giant.

And all was right in the world.

Wait. What in the name of the National Football League is a-goin' on here? Randall Cunningham (Philadelphia Eagles) and Jerry Rice (San Francisco 49ers) are among the legion of former football stars who signed similar deals so they could retire with their original teams.

This also seems like something hockey would do.

However, Snow and the Giants will do the NFL — and presumably the NHL — one better. The "ceremony" includes allowing Snow to suit up and take the field one last time at first base before being replaced by a current player before Saturday's first pitch against the Dodgers.

Giants general manager Brian Sabean says he respects Snow, who performs several different jobs within the organization and is thought to be a

This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine together — quickly, now — while Shea Stadium still can stand what is happening, again, to the New York Mets. Today's Roll Call starts in Queens, where the Mets are becoming the Kings of Collapse. The latest royal mess-up comes with the help of the NL Central champ Chicago Cubs, who don't really have much to play for right now, and it shows, for how loose they appear in the face of danger. The Mets? Not so much.

Game of the Day: Cubs 9, Mets 6 (10 inn.)

Squanderers: They squandered an early grand slam by Carlos Delgado. They squandered a first-and-third, nobody-out in the seventh. They squandered a big inning in the eighth when a single, double, two walks and a stolen base produced one run. They squandered some more in the ninth after a leadoff triple and loading the bases led nowhere. They squandered another lead in the standings after promising it wouldn't happen again. You know what that makes the Mets? (Squanderers.)

Philosophers:

This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine for what should be some of the finest fishin' along the Mighty Mississippi, if it's OK that all we catch are old socks someone tossed in the river. Today's Roll Call starts in Minneapolis (Gov. Palin can see it from her house) where the AL Central-leading White Sox went for a dip in the HHH Metrodome Piranha Tank in the first of a crucial three-game set against the second-place Twins.

Game of the Day: Twins 9, White Sox 3

It's the stupid math: Coming in three losses behind in the standings, the Twinkies probably need a sweep to have a true shot for their fifth division crown (and playoff spot) since '02. Well, you can't get three without the first one. Kevin Slowey Nick Blackburn Brad Radke Scott Baker shuts 'em down, Ron Gardenhire's son Jason Kubel hits two homers, Delmon Young does serious damage and Javier Vazquez pitches tiny in a big game for the umpteenth time.

Talking heads stop making sense: White Sox TV casters Ken Harrelson

New York's Finest reported that it arrested 18 fans for pilfering parts of Yankee Stadium on Sunday night, when the Bronx Bombers played their final game at the 85-year-old yard. Everyone seems to want to take some bit of Yankee Stadium for him or herself, though there probably are some artifacts that even the hardest of the hardcore Yanks fan wouldn't touch with a 200-foot pole.

With that, here are Big League Stew's Top 10 Least Desired Souvenirs from Yankee Stadium:

10. A-Rod's "good luck" Kabbalah bracelet he got from a galpal.

9. Dave Winfield's fungus-ridden pair of shower shoes from his Yankee days (1981-1990).

8. The part of Marilyn Monroe's sex tape that's just footage of Joe DiMaggio walking around naked.

7. Leaky batteries thrown at Reggie Jackson during '77 World Series.

6. Don Larsen's perfect turd SOLD

5. Reel-to-reel tape splice of never-before-heard second part of Lou Gehrig's farewell speech in which he requests that ALS not be nicknamed "Lou Gehrig's Disease."

4.

This and every weekday a.m., at least until our old man kicks us out of the basement because we don't want to work at the steel plant for the rest of our lives like him, let's rise and shine together for the silliest and Philliest moments in the big leagues.

Today's Roll Call starts in South Bend, Ind. Philadelphia where the crowd at the Bank, usually with lustful vengeance in their hearts, is instead filled with pre-playoff mirth.

Game of the Day: Phillies 6, Braves 2

Win one against the Chipper: Sensing a playoff spot is upon the Brotherly Fightingly City, fans held baseball player appreciation night at Citizens Bank Park. There, Fightin' Phils towel-wavin' folks showed the love to many an ath-el-lete. Pat Burrell, hitting a patriotic, if limp, .176 since Aug. 1, got a standing "O" from the folks after hitting a key three-run homer in the bottom of the eighth. A Cubs player in another game on TV, Jason Marquis, got a huge hand (not from a back-handed smack, either) for hitting a

This and every weekday a.m. (until they tell us to leave) let's rise and shine together for the home stretch of a major league baseball season that seems like it just started, didn't it? Today's Roll Call starts in the Bronx, New York, where the Yankees turned out the lights on the Stadium for the last time before someone steals the bulbs and tries to sell 'em out the back of a truck parked in New Jersey.

Game of the Day: Yankees 7, Orioles 3

There used to be a ballpark there: It was a dump, but the dump had class, it had spirit and it had tradition. So, of course, we tear it down because that's what we do with old stuff. Plus, the Yankees couldn't squeeze enough dimes anymore out of it to compete with the Rays. They do remain alive for the playoffs, but they probably will be eliminated in the next day or two.

You knew he was playing: Derek Jeter on Saturday was hit on the hand by a pitch, and some were concerned he might not be healthy enough to play in the last game. He played,

As each of the division champions and wild-card teams are determined, we at the Stew will ask the hopeful World Series candidates to issue a formal acceptance speech and explain why they're the team that will be hoisting The Commissioner's Trophy in October. Second in line are the Chicago Cubs, who clinched the NL Central on Saturday with a 5-4 victory over the Cardinals. This is their address.

Mr. Commissioner, Chief Executive and Mrs. Zell, Chairman and Mrs. Kenney, General Manager Hendry, Manager and Mrs. Lou, Ernie and Mrs. Cub, my fellow Illinoismakers, Chicagoans, North Siders, Lakeviewers, Wrigleyvillains, Roscoe Villagers, North Centurians, Lincoln Parkers, Clark and Addisonians, Cubs fans from across the universe, distinguished goats, holy cows and Iowans.

The Chicago Cubs proudly accept, with a voracious hunger for more, our second straight National League Central Division championship! (pause for applause and reverb on antiquated Wrigley Field sound system) ...

No