C'mon, LeBron James(notes). Fight fair. Anyone can record the second triple-double in All-Star game history if they deploy mad smoke bombs to confuse and disorient the defense. (Also, don't be surprised if LeBron has a little bit of a cough this week.)

Best caption wins good rocking tonight, courtesy of Deep Purple. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Jolly Giraffe was always Chris Bosh's favorite Pillow Pet.

Winner, patrick craft: "Ain't no rule that says a giraffe can't replace Joel Anthony(notes)."

Runner-up, Mark M.: Chris Bosh(notes) introduces a giraffe to the NBA lifestyle, where people feed you by hand and tell you that you are the greatest.

Second runner-up, r: "You know, if you want to get some dress shirts with extended necks, I know a guy ..."

A Special Commendation in Ruling, Clever Girl Division, goes to gordonyu1 for a well-met nature video joke: The raptor enjoys playing with its food before eating it.

Seriously? This is all we had to do to put a cork in the nigh-on-insufferable Carmelo Anthony(notes) saga, however briefly? Just sit him on a bench next to Kobe Bryant(notes), drape Craig Sager head-to-toe in some type of fine Nepalese paper and introduce a microphone into the mix?

See, this is the kind of thing you need to tell me, Internet. If I'd have known it would be that easy to shut down the 'Melo talk, I would have snuck into a production meeting for "The Black Mamba" using my remarkably believable Danny Trejo disguise, won Kobe's confidence/strong-armed him using a machete, and gotten this thing done months ago.

Forget about 37 points and 14 rebounds. Offering a moment's peace from the "will he? won't he?" alone made Kobe more than deserving of the All-Star game's MVP.

Also, way to go, Chris Paul(notes). "He's going back to Syracuse, he's got three years of eligibility left" was a pretty good line in that situation. Perhaps while in Hollywood, you could pitch some monologue

It's important to note that there's a tacitly legitimate reason why this picture happened. Chris Bosh(notes) is in a "Got Milk?" ad with a baby giraffe, and he "unveiled" said ad in Los Angeles on Thursday. OK. Fair enough. Totally reasonable and understandable.

That said: It is very, very important to me that you seize this opportunity to make jokes about Chris Bosh, giraffes, the "Like a Bosh" video, milk, advertising or any/all of the above. This picture is unquestionably great, you guys. Let's submit captions worthy of its greatness.

Best caption wins the chance to get milk-faced and hum like rabbits. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Meet the new generation of the Utah Jazz.

Winner, Russell S: Utah Jazz tickets: The only way Jerry Sloan could get those damned kids off his lawn.

Runner-up, Solid as Iraq: Showing that he can still be a valuable member of the community, Gordon Hayward(notes) (right) shows his lighter side by dressing as a Boy Scout while taking a group of Boy

It's either that Earl Watson's(notes) gotten more minutes in the last couple of games or that new Utah Jazz head coach Tyrone Corbin has taken to deploying a swarm of fresh-faced Boy Scouts to provide energetic on-ball defense to push tempo and create turnovers. I'm still not sure which, though.

Best caption wins a more serious-than-necessary discussion of the connection between Superman and the Boy Scouts. Good luck.

In our last adventure: "DeMarcus and Donte / sitting awkwardly / but not punching / so that is sweet."

Winner, Russell S: Just a moment before, Donte Greene(notes) realized that someone had mixed pink food coloring into his bottle of Selsun Blue.

DeMarcus Cousins(notes): "Game. Set. Match."

Runner-up, Fanta Pants: No wonder [Greene] didn't see him open in the post!

NOTE: This has a real olde-tyme one-line zinger quality to it. Also, bonus points for calling yourself Fanta Pants, easily the strongest possible soda/clothing nickname outside of Bawls Guarana Muff.

Second

We all know that post-donnybrook encounters can be hard to handle, especially in real life/non-social networking situations, but I'm not sure Donte Greene's(notes) "pretend to be a towel rack" strategy is the most mature move. Say what you will about his headcasery, but at least DeMarcus Cousins(notes) isn't hiding. Oh, to know what's running through their heads right at this very moment.

What's that, friends? You can help with that? THE DEVIL YOU SAY! Well, let's hear it, brethren! Best caption wins some more ridiculous disguises. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Chris Andersen needs a hug — is there anybody out there willing to embrace a thug?

Winner, rccostner: "... and this is the face I made while I had a bird's nest tattooed around my eggs."

Runner-up, Sean: Congratulations, Chris! You've just been selected for the 2011 Sprite Slam Dunk Contest!

Second runner-up, Bell Curve: Chris Andersen(notes) demonstrates his displeasure at the fact that Audioslave is no longer a band.

A

Self-created Unassisted Basketball Achievement. It's science. Step your acronym evolution game up, champ.

Obviously, no right-minded soul would argue that this holds a highlight candle to the 90-foot Wade-to-Bron bomb that Eric Freeman brought you Tuesday night, but it's still a tricky piece of business worth a second look.

LeBron James(notes) pumps under Danny Granger(notes) at the top of the key, tosses an off-balance lefty scoop toward the backboard, splits Paul George(notes) and Roy Hibbert(notes) to get to the cup, corrals the carom with his right hand and flushes it (with a little bit of help from the member's bounce). The end of it might have looked a little janky, but man, is that some nimble stuff for a guy that big. And for those wondering about the statistical implications of the play, according to the play-by-play scoring of the game, there weren't any — LeBron gets credited for a dunk at 6:11, but no offensive rebound or assist. No Ricky Davis(notes) potential here.

Want to know something about we three kings of the sovereign nation of Ball Don't Lie? We all dig Charles Grodin. Fearless Leader Kelly enjoys digging in the YouTube crates for clips of the gifted actor and comedian "drying it up" as a guest on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson" or "Late Night with David Letterman." Eric feels that Grodin is a criminally underrated genius. I thought he was pretty great in "Clifford." We're all full-fledged wearers of Gro-Gro boots.

For the better part of the past two decades, Grodin's career has shifted to the realm of commentary — first as the host of a CNBC talk show, then as a contributor to "60 Minutes II" and CBS Radio, and now as a columnist for the New York Daily News, where he recently shared a take on Jerry Sloan, who last week stepped down from his long-held post as the head coach of the Utah Jazz.

The impetus for Grodin's seemingly curious interest in Sloan was a piece written by former Salt Lake Tribune reporter Phil Miller and

Of course you want to make an Angry Birds joke here. So did I, and so did Dwyer. But making the easiest joke is not what we do here. (NOTE: It is what we do here, but shut up.) We will aim higher. We will dig deeper. We choose to create captions in this blogspace and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.

Chris Andersen(notes), "The Birdman," is upset. And you will tell me why. You WILL write brilliantly. And we will all share multiple laughs. Because this is the Internet, and also our independence day. Go to it, troops.

Best caption wins a free inspirational speech from yours truly that it is at least as good as the soul-stirring screed you just read. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Scottie Pippen is both a Doberman and a rifleman.

Winner, Orchard: "I'll teach you to sell me a busted-up airplane."

Runner-up, Mark M.: Scottie Pippen: "For Christmas, I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle!"

Man, laughing: