One side, StubbleHub McSunglassHut. Steer clear, Tylerish HansBro. Don't you dare even think about blowing that whistle, ref. The point guard of the Phoenix Suns is in a hurry, and he will not be impeded. The question is: What's got his backfield in motion?

Best caption wins love, which Mama said you can't hurry, if I remember correctly. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili, locked in an eternal struggle. First one to let go owes the other guy three bucks.

Winner, greyberger: Forward Tim Duncan(notes) is forced to trade bald spots with teammate Manu Ginobili(notes) after losing a round of boo-ray.

Runner-up, rikiddo: "We should never have bet Pop that we couldn't squander a 20-point lead."

Second runner-up, My name is Jason: "Tim, this is very uncomfortable. You cannot teach fundamentals through hand-to-head osmosis."

A Special Commendation in Ruling, Coaches Know All the Tricks Division, goes to mctr92977:

Ginobili: "Tim, how could you fall for the old

There's an awful lot to like about an awful lot of what Derrick Rose(notes) is doing these days. He's averaging 25 points and eight assists per night, he's hitting 35 percent of his 3-pointers and he's become a dynamite leader for a Chicago Bulls team that's winning 70 percent of its ballgames. Dude's a stone beast.

Likewise, there's an awful lot to like about this first-quarter play, starting with Rose's athletic interception of a bad cross-court pass by the Washington Wizards. The likefest proceeds when Rose turns on the jets and forces John Wall(notes) into a defensive no-man's land, and comes to a satisfying conclusion with a flashy no-look, through-the-legs bounce pass to a streaking Joakim Noah(notes) for a slam on the break. It's always nice to reward your returning big man for running the floor by getting him an easy bucket, even in a 105-77 road laugher that wasn't necessarily short on good looks for anyone wearing red.

And there's not an awful lot you can say for the

On one hand — let's call it the "hot hand" — Phoenix Suns big man Channing Frye(notes) entered Monday night's game against the New Jersey Nets on a high note, having knocked down a buzzer-beating foot-on-the-line jumper to seal a 111-108 road victory over the Indiana Pacers on Sunday.

On the other hand, Frye had missed four of the seven shots he'd taken against the Nets, including all three of his 3-point attempts — not quite a "cold hand," but still a little bit of Cool Hand Channing, to be sure.

When hot meets cool, things get warm. It's just science. Also science, now, apparently? When given the ball at the end of an overtime game, Channing Frye is the most unstoppable scoring machine the NBA has ever seen.

Brook Lopez(notes) took responsibility for Frye's 3-pointer with 6.6 seconds remaining in the extra frame for failing to switch off Marcin Gortat(notes) to contest the shot, but NBA Playbook's Sebastian Pruiti chalks it up to Kris Humphries(notes) attempting to make a play on

The San Antonio Spurs front office has always sought to create a very tactile organizational culture, and developing that kind of identity starts with getting your best players on board. That's some nice leadership, Tim Duncan(notes) and Manu Ginobili(notes). Some nice leadership, indeed.

Best caption wins ecstasy touch screen gloves (NOTE: not really). Good luck.

In our last adventure: Deron Williams loves his new Jeremy London jersey. (Or is that a Jason London jersey? Hard to say.)

Winner, primovictorious: "I pulled out all the stops at the audition, but Jessica Biel still got the part."

Runner-up, Jaceman: Deron Williams(notes) now realizes that the Nets have moved across the wrong body of water.

Second runner-up, Vaffanculo: Deron celebrates his enrollment into witness protection with a photo op.

NOTE: Listen, just because they've lost 112 of their last 141 games, that doesn't mean it's OK to equate being traded to the New Jersey Nets with entering the U.S. Federal Witness

Oh, you'll change your name, Deron Williams(notes). You'll change your name if that's what The Prokhorov wants you to do. He's dreamed of controlling the destiny of a man named Jack London since he bought every copy of "The Sea Wolf" that Moscow had to offer, and it seems unlikely that your simple "ability to exert free will, leave and play for another team" will stop him from imposing his simple "ability to bend the wills of men like so much melted nickel to get what he wants."

So practice that smile, fella. You're going to need it.

Best caption wins a nice London broil recipe. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Sometimes David West confuses "happy" with "megapooping."

Winner, dorfineer: "Ha-do-ken!"

Runner-up, The Football God: "I didn't go to Cleveland, I didn't go to Cleveland, I didn't go to Cleveland!"

Second runner-up, Mad D: David West(notes) does his best "doggy in the window" look in order to draw a new owner to buy the Hornets.

The New York Knicks are looking a little undersized these days. To bring Carmelo Anthony(notes) and Chauncey Billups(notes) to Penn Plaza, Knicks president of basketball operations Donnie Walsh shipped out Timofey Mozgov(notes) (who stands 7-foot-1), Danilo Gallinari(notes) (6-foot-10) and Wilson Chandler(notes) (6-foot-8; but he can play a bit bigger and spent about 13 percent of his floor time playing power forward). As a result, Amar'e Stoudemire(notes) and Ronny Turiaf(notes) are the only Knicks taller than 6-foot-10. Clearly, they could use at least one more tall guy.

Hey! You know who's a tall guy? Jared Jeffries(notes)! You know, the ex-Knick who was traded to the Houston Rockets last year along with 2009 lottery pick Jordan Hill(notes) and first-round selections in 2011 and 2012 for the monster expiring contract of a devastated 30-year-old Tracy McGrady(notes)? Right. That guy.

Well, that guy's 6-foot-11, he never really found a home in Houston — he's averaged just 7.7 minutes

"C'mon, that is how guys get hurt. That is how serious injuries happen. You've got to watch people's faces. I know guys want to turn to face up to the basket and everything, but we all want to play and provide for our families and not have to get a nose job. ...

"We all want to be healthy and that is very important. If it is by somebody's face, dive for the floor. It's too close."

— Chris Bosh(notes) of the Miami Heat, in an "exclusive" "interview" with me that I "made up," after the Heat's 93-89 loss to the Chicago Bulls, which was marred by Carlos Boozer's(notes) indefensible, flashback-inducing near-miss of an elbow-swing.

International readers ("Int'l read'rs"): If the clip above isn't rocking for you, feel free to peruse the Boshbury flop elsewhere, thanks to instntrply.

The thing is, David West(notes) loooooooved Class Picture Day in school. At a time when so many of his fellow players are having to pick up and move to new locales, can you really blame him for wanting to recapture some of the innocence and purity of youth, when your biggest mandate was smiling as wide as you can, even if it made you look a little bit cray-cray? I certainly can't.

Best caption wins that gross communal comb that you didn't want within six feet of your head. Good luck.

In our last adventure: JaVale McGee takes a leadership role.

Winner, Mike: "I will take this entire franchise under my wing and lead [it] to third-from-last in the Eastern Conference."

Runner-up, azv321: "All right, hosers, I want all 12 of us fighting for every meter on all three downs. We're gonna make this a Boxing Day the Prime Minister will never forget."

NOTE: This makes me want JaVale McGee(notes) to play for the Toronto Raptors and become a Canadian citizen. That just feels right.

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