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Awwwwww. Look at 'im. Look at J.R. Smith. He's plum tuckered, is what he is. Bet he barely got any sleep on that long flight to Shanghai. Who could blame him? Getting to go become a member of the Zhejiang Chuzhou Professional Basketball Club ... well, that's pretty exciting! I bet he could scarcely stay in his seat, thinking about all the jumpers. Could you?

But, well, you know J.R. Sometimes he gets a little too excitable, and sometimes he wears himself out, and sometimes he winds up taking naps at ... well, not the best times. Like in the middle of a possession drawn up for someone else, for example, or on defense, for another f'r-instance. Or when he's supposed to arrive and meet the adoring Zhejiang public. Not ideal, you'd say.

You should probably wake him up. He's got a lot of interviews to do. What, me? No, sir. Look how cute. I could never. OK, five more minutes. Let's enjoy these moments. They grow up so fast, y'know.

What do you think J.R.'s dreaming about? Best caption wins

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Gotta get back in time ... Welcome to another edition of Create-a-Caption Past Lives. Don't remember what they are? Then go re-read the maiden voyage for a refresher, ya goof!

Obviously, you're intimately familiar with interpretive dance as an art form. You know that it encompasses a wide variety of rhythmic styles and aims to translate specific human feelings, emotions, situations or fantasies through physical movement and dramatic expression. I mean, duh — you read basketball blogs.

What you might not know, though, is that on Dec. 31, 2003, moments before the dawn of a new year, Brian Scalabrine and Brian Cardinal came together and gave of their souls. They danced like no one was watching — and considering it was a New Year's Eve game between the New Jersey Nets and Golden State Warriors, it's possible that no one was.

They told the story of a great love lost, or perhaps of a wise and ancient king overseeing his great land for the final time before dying, or maybe of the first time

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Listen, I know you're pretty into the whole upholding justice thing, Shaquille O'Neal, but this latest foray into law enforcement just doesn't suit you. You're 7-foot-1 and about 395 pounds; you're not exactly inconspicuous. Plus, you are literally training your camera lens on me directly in front of my face. I don't know why you're trailing me, but you are doing a terrible job of it.

Let's face it: When it comes to being "The Big P.I.," you are actually much more of "The Big P.U." Run and Tout that, dude.

Best caption wins a pretty good Wilco song, all things considered. Good luck.

In our last adventure: It's a good thing Tracy McGrady can buy this whole place with his Black Card, because he just does not know when to fold. No matter what JaVale McGee says on video and audiotape, and then retracts.

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cac_tmac_blackjack_smWinner, IndeedProceed: Tracy McGrady: "And I'm like, 'NO! You listen to ME, John Kuester! I am Tracy McGrady! I scored THIRTEEN POINTS in THIRTY-FIVE seconds (in 2004)! I am

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"No, for real, it's like the worst thing you've ever seen. It lights up and makes noise, and it's gonna happen every time they hit a home run. You gotta see the animation of what this thing will look like in motion. It's awful as hell, yo. Forget about the 'Miami' Marlins — always been a Jeff Conine man, always will be a Jeff Conine man.

"Hmm? What's that? Oh, hit me. ... 36? How the [EXPLETIVE] is that even possible?"

If that monstrosity in Miami can come to pass, then anything's possible, Tracy McGrady. (Also, the pit boss should probably take a look at that dealer.) It's hard to disagree with T-Mac on this one. Oh, well — at least he can rock the lid of his choice and set himself adrift on Renteria-fueled memories bliss.

Best caption wins some more T-Mac-related memories, both blissful and less so. Good luck.

In our last adventure: What's Deron Williams' secret for full, pouty lips? Wouldn't YOU like to know! (Lip plumper. It's Turkish lip plumper. Which, somehow, isn't a dirty

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"... because when I go out, I do, like, bottle service in the club. Like, vokka and oranjuice, like Ciroc, that's good vokka. Yo, ladies of Turkey, let me ask you a question, though: Ummmm, do you date me?"

Glad to see former New Jersey Nets point guard Deron Williams has brought a little bit of the Garden State with him to Besiktas. I'm sure Turkish Ed Hardy retailers especially appreciate it.

Best caption wins a $4 million deal to play in Istanbul, because you are good at business, plus a sick belt buckle, bro. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Oh, come on, Magic Johnson and Dick Cavett. It is not that surprising that the height difference between you is so vast.

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cac_mj_dc_surprise_smWinner, Mr. Jones: If you don't make an innuendo while creating a caption about us, I will respect you thiiiiiiis much.

Runner-up, Dane H: Classic misdirection. While you are watching the right hand, the left hand is picking your pocket.

Second runner-up, Chillkreme43: Dick Cavett and his Rajon Rondo

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Magic Johnson and Dick Cavett share a bond too few people in this business of show can really understand — the knowledge of just how heavy a burden it is to man the desk of a late-night talk show. This is why they are best friends, as was evidenced by their easy, playful interaction on the red carpet before the Broadway premiere of "The Mountaintop" in Manhattan on Thursday night.

It's basically an Isiah-Thomas-and-Hannah-Storm-type of situation, only one of these people interviewed John Lennon and Yoko Ono and the other gave an unforgettable turn as "Servant" in a Michael Jackson video. I always forget which one did which.

Best caption wins the right to call Larry Bird and inform him that he must kill Dick Cavett, lest he be replaced in our collective memory. Good luck.

In our last adventure: NEW IDEA: San Antonio Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich is BLACK OWPS!

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cac_gp_sweat_smWinner, IndeedProceed: When asked to do his Captain Kirk impression, Gregg Popovich immediately ran a very

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"Oh, hey, assembly of stalwart NBA beat reporters camped outside yet another doomed session of negotiating-in-name-only. Weird that you guys are here, too.

"Me? Oh, I was just out for a jog. I had no idea this is where the league and union were meeting; I turned down this street because MapMyRun said this would get me to an even five miles. I certainly wasn't using my intelligence gathering and processing training to slip inside the meeting undetected, infiltrate the negotiations and find out how far the two sides are apart so me and R.C. can update the timetable for Tim and Manu's offseason incubation in the Lazarus Pit.

"Hmm? What's that? Yes, we have a Lazarus Pit. We also have remote memory removal nanobots, which I've just introduced into your bloodstreams via a silent aerosol delivery mechanism as we discussed jogging. You won't remember the last 39 seconds after R.C. hits the button, which should be coming in three ... two ... one ..."

...

Man, it's pretty random that we ran

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For the crime of writing a computer virus that crashed 1,507 computers in one day and singlehandedly caused a 7-point drop in the New York Stock Exchange, he was banned from owning or using a computer until his 18th birthday. But now, Utah Jazz swingman Gordon Hayward's sentence is up. It's time for Zero Cool to ride again.

Hack the planet, Gordo. Hack the planet.

Best caption wins Matthew Lillard's entire "Hackers" wardrobe. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Just a few gigs into his stand-up comedy career, critics are already calling Yao Ming "China's answer to Dat Phan." (Critics really hate Yao Ming's stand-up.)

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cac_yao_sing_get_it_smWinner, C: "And now / The end is near / My foot is broke / My knees are sore ..."

Runner-up, Jones6: "To the owner of a white Hyundai: You left your lights on. Thank you."