I know what you're thinking: "But Dan, I can't just up and go to Slovenia to learn the tricks of the basketball trade from a six-year NBA veteran who hasn't played in the league since 2008." And I hear that. We've all got responsibilities, airfare is expensive, and do you even know where your passport is? Believe me, I get it.

But having said that, I think we can all agree that whatever we are doing today, it is not as fun as eating ice cream with our friends and jumping off piers into the water. Or boarding a big boat (which, sadly, is not a superyacht) for a day at sea and participating in Bostjan Nachbar-branded talent shows.

Or watching martial-arts demonstrations involving leaping spin kicks and getting your speed-Rubik's-Cubing on (which, happily, is word to the Birdman). And, once all that's done, maybe occasionally playing a little bit of basketball under the watchful eye of a 6-foot-9 forward who suited up for the Houston Rockets, New Jersey Nets, and both the New Orleans and

cac_aj_kids

I mean, "Rebound" wasn't great, but it's fun trying to imagine what Bobby Knight would be like if he was also Martin Payne and it's always good to see Martin Lawrence get out there and just Martin Lawrence around for a while. It's very watchable on FX at 1:30 p.m. on a Wednesday, you know?

So I think there's a pretty good chance that this reality reboot that Avery Johnson is helming -- not sure what it's called yet, since these un-captioned production stills are hot off the Getty Images presses, but I'm guessing either "The Real Rebound," "Rebound for Real" or "Kidsketball with Coach A" -- will find an audience. If nothing else, basketball fans starved for something that reminds them of the NBA, think short coaches are adorable and are home in the middle of the day in the middle of the week will probably tune in. And we all know how desirable that demographic is to advertisers.

On second thought, this endeavor seems doomed to fail. Not sure how someone as accustomed to success as the

cac_cb_peace

Oh, sure, Chris Bosh. You tell the hardworking typewriter-hammerer from the local fishwrap international wire service that you're taking a "wait and see" approach to playing overseas while the NBA lockout continues, but any fool with eyes at Tuesday night's Rutgers/Miami game could see you clearly waving two-fingers-and-a-space to the United States and getting ready to become the most dominant player in the history of Uzbekistan. Peace sign up + contented, mischievous smile = you're BUSTED, Bosh. Classic blunder.

Best caption wins some Y Society to vibe to. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Maurice Evans could have sworn his phone just buzzed, but there's no message or anything, so it's probably some kind of persistent, thigh-localized tremor. He should probably have that checked out. Except now, he's got no health insurance! A truly American conundrum.

{YSP:MORE}

cac_me_phone_smWinner, Magic32: Message from Mo Evans: "The union has been disemboweled."

Mo: "Dang it! 'Disbanded!' 'Disbanded!' Eff

cac_me_phone

if u'd of wore just a vest 1 more day u'd of got NEthing u wanted bro

jacket tho

suxx

nah jk we'd of broken u regardless

It's times like these that Maurice Evans regrets giving Robert Sarver his cell phone number. Oh, well.

What do you think Mo's reading there? Best caption wins Texts from Pawnee, which remain basically the best kinds of texts. Good luck.

In our last adventure: INTO THE PAST! It was awkward for everyone when teammates Jud Buechler and Steve Kerr wore the exact same "hear no evil" costume to the Chicago Bulls' Halloween party.

{YSP:MORE}

cac_pl_jb_sk_smWinner, Lil'Alien: As proposals rained down on them, Steve Kerr and Judd Buechler covered their ears to avoid the many temptations of Salt Lake City.

Runner-up, Matt T.: Needless to say, Jud and Steve were not fans of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Second runner-up, Al: Jud and Steve have finally had enough of Rodman's stories about how he used to "date" Madonna.

jf_halloween

This picture — posted on Oct. 29, 2011, to the Twitter account of Whitney Wonnacott, a cheerleader at Brigham Young University who is engaged to NBA first-round draft pick Jimmer Fredette — shows the Sacramento Kings' prized rookie dressed as a dog and on all fours alongside his betrothed, clad as Cruella de Vil, in a "101 Dalmatians"-themed couples' Halloween costume. This much we know; this much is inarguable; this much is fact.

This much is opinion: I think this is kind of great.

Sure, some folks, like the gents at Larry Brown Sports, might think that assenting to wearing a costume like this will cost you "all remaining bro points." But considering those don't sound all that great to begin with — they seem kind of arbitrary and don't even appear to be redeemable for fun prizes — maybe Jimmer's decision to do something together with the woman he wants to marry that might make her happy was a good move, especially considering he is not going to be subjected to the kind of

ss_gd_union
On Monday afternoon, National Basketball Players Association (NBPA) president Derek Fisher said that the NBPA's decisions to both reject the NBA's revised proposal for a new collective bargaining agreement and dissolve the union in pursuit of an antitrust lawsuit against the league were "unanimous." Fisher's claim prompted many observers, including Brian Mahoney of The Associated Press, to suggest that "there were surely players throughout the league who would have preferred union leadership put the proposal to a vote of the full membership, with many ready to go back to work."

While relatively few players have publicly aired such sentiments, Cleveland Cavaliers forward Samardo Samuels (left) and free-agent forward Glen Davis (late of the Boston Celtics) both vented their frustrations with how events unfolded Monday to friendly neighborhood beat reporters. (I am sure their disclosures thrilled Fisher, the Los Angeles Lakers guard who told reporters in New York on Monday that members

nbpa404
"Error 404: Basketball not found. Please be patient as we work on resolving this. We are sorry for the inconvenience." Hahahahaha.

Very funny, cool and Internet-savvy placeholder home page, National Basketball Players Association. It's like I have always said — in the darkest times, jokes become more important than ever.

[Related: NBA players react to union's decision to disband]

It is critical to maintain a sense of humor when a 137-day lockout that followed more than 2 1/2 years of unsuccessful talks on a new collective bargaining agreement results in NBA players deciding to dissolve their union and become a trade association in pursuit of an antitrust suit against NBA owners (or, at least, new leverage in labor discussions in which David Stern said last Thursday the NBA was "through negotiating") that threatens the loss of the 2011-2012 season. For sure, in the context of the world of an American popular sport, that constitutes a pretty dark time.

The latest development in the NBA

cac_pl_jb_sk

Gotta get back in time ... Welcome to another edition of Create-a-Caption Past Lives. I bet that you are able to figure out what is happening here, because we have done a number of these and you understand context clues, but in the event that you are perplexed beyond the telling of it, take a quick trip down memory lane and you'll be up to speed in no time.

On one hand, I understand how much of a bummer it can be to hear the same song everywhere you go — come on, radio stations, would it kill you to switch up the playlist a little bit? But on the other, there's a simple reason why "Return of the Mack" checked in at No. 4 on the Billboard Top 100 chart for the week ending June 14, 1997, which was the week that the Jud-Buechler-and-Steve-Kerr-led Chicago Bulls put the finishing touches on the Utah Jazz to win their second consecutive NBA title. It's because "Return of the Mack" is great, which is why people want to hear it, which is why it's on everywhere you go and in every gym you