Carlos Boozer totally had that DVR'd, you monster! (Getty Images)

We have been OVER this, Carlos Boozer. Once you get past a week, you lose all right to be mad about someone talking about the ending of something you haven't seen. I know you are very busy getting ready to play basketball for the Chicago Bulls all the time, but we can't all just be waiting with bated breath for you to carve out an opening to clear your DVR in a timely fashion. The world continues to spin even if you're standing still.

Plus, it's not like we even learned who killed Rosie Larsen yet, so what did I even SPOIL? And what were you even doing recording that show by the end anyway? Man, get it together, Carlos Boozer.

Best caption wins the only spoiler alert you'll ever need. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers could really use some help carrying this giant invisible sack of peaches.

It had been a rough 24 hours for Russell Westbrook. The Oklahoma City Thunder's star point guard turned in arguably the worst game of his career in a 98-95 win over the Memphis Grizzlies on Wednesday night, missing all 13 of his field goal attempts and scoring just four points in more than 31 minutes of action.

The bold-faced headline, though, was the heat-of-the-moment clash between Westbrook and Kevin Durant on the Thunder bench after Westbrook barked at Thabo Sefolosha for passing up an open 3-pointer. While any sound and fury present in that moment almost surely signified nothing, it stirred memories of rumored tensions brewing during last year's playoffs, which made for crummy mainstream media "debate" and a bad day for OKC.

On top of that, Westbrook started Thursday night looking kind of ragged, hitting just two of his first eight shots and canceling out his four assists with four turnovers. He looked like he could use a pick-me-up.

Luckily, about four-and-a-half minutes into the third quarter, Mavericks center Brendan Haywood was there to lend a hand.

Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers is at a loss. (Getty Images)

"Listen, I don't know anything you don't know. I'm checking Paul's Twitter every 30 seconds just like you."

The Boston Celtics' 0-3 start seems to have turned coach Doc Rivers into a captive social media audience, just like the rest of us. (Speaking of, maybe follow? Please RT!)

Then again, maybe Rivers isn't just throwing his arms up at the question of when Paul Pierce will return from his right heel injury. What do you think might have Doc at a loss? Best caption wins two pretty great shrugs. Good luck.

In our last adventure: I wanted to make a "Winter is Coming" joke that ties into this frosty moment between Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol, but I don't know any other things about "Game of Thrones," so here goes: "Kobe looks like he wants Pau to stop being such a Dinklage." Happy holidays, nerds!

I mean, sure — for many NBA fans, it's also because we're some hatin'-ass haters who still don't like how LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh formed like Voltron last summer, or how they declared their presence with an authority they'd yet to earn, or how successfully they swing in tight slacks and sweaters, or whatever. For that still-significant faction, watching the Miami Heat play basketball is primarily an exercise in praying on their downfall — in hoping against hope, for example, that the surprisingly game and effective Charlotte Bobcats can hold onto a 15-point halftime lead against a Heat team playing its third game in four nights following a big nationally televised win over the Boston Celtics.

For a lot of other people, though, it's that they can do stuff like this — Bosh denying Corey Maggette at the rim, James snagging the loose ball before it can go out of bounds, then heaving a three-quarter-court lead to a streaking Wade, who beats the 'Cats down the floor for a

Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol of the Los Angeles Lakers. (Getty Images)

"No, you know what, Pau? Don't even bother. If it didn't matter enough to you to make a New Year's Eve reservation before now, I don't want you to pretend that it matters to you now. It's fine. I'm fine. It's. Fine."

Oof. Tough break, Pau Gasol.

I get it, though; the holidays are stressful as heck! You spend so much time trying to wrap up work before the holiday break, running around buying presents and making sure you remembered to get the right egg nog — no, not that one, the OTHER one — that New Year's plans just slip your mind. Kobe Bryant gets that. Really, he does.

It's just that ... it slips your mind every year, you know? It'd just be nice if you remembered. That's all Kobe's saying. Give him a little space, take him to that tapas place he loves, and everything'll be fine. And next year — seriously — put a reminder in your Outlook calendar or something.

Best caption wins delicious tapas, just in time for lunch. Good luck.

In our last adventure: DeMar DeRozan and Ed Davis crawl around on the ground or something? Boy, the world as it existed before I started writing 2011-12 Season Previews stuff seems like a strange, scary place.

Faithful television-watching basketball fans have long known that TNT play-by-play announcer Kevin Harlan is kind of a crazy person. To be fair, he is arguably our favorite kind of crazy person — the kind who legitimately seems very happy to be calling games, who describes the action on the floor well and accurately without being dry, and who knows how to meet big moments with an unbridled excitement that leads to calls like "LeBron James, with NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE," "Chris Paul with a three ... good! Right between the eyesssssss," "Arron Afflalo ... is AN ASSASSIN," and countless other classics over the years. Still, though: Kind of a crazy person.

On one hand, that history of verbal violence might have left you a bit underwhelmed by Harlan's call of this Metta World Peace drive and dunk from the Los Angeles Lakers' breezy 96-71 win over the Utah Jazz at Staples Center on Tuesday night. After all, he just says The Artist Formerly Known As Ron Artest's new name; while he certainly puts some English on the ball — I transcribed the call thusly: "Metta ... World ... PEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEE!" — he doesn't use any language that would suggest a murder has taken place or anything. Kind of a downer, right?

On the other, though, by screaming and elongating "Peace" to punctuate the play, Harlan actually performed a pretty neat trick. That word, said that way, in that context, cannot evoke anything like calm, tranquility, quietude and stillness; that word, said that way, in that context, becomes a battle cry, packed with angst and conflict ... dare I say, a declaration of war.

Know how I know Kevin Harlan spend the lockout keeping his game tight? Three games into the season, he just fundamentally changed language.

Oh, also, he impersonated The Penguin. You know, the Batman villain? Yep, for real:

Since entering the NBA in 2003, Dwyane Wade has established himself as the league's best back-court shot-blocker, rejecting more opponents' field goals than any other guard in the game by a considerable margin. His quickness and patience help him time opponents' shooting motions, and his length and leaping ability allow him to contest shots that other off-guards -- even taller, rangier ones -- can't reach.

It's a pretty great weapon for the Miami Heat to have; it kind of stinks to be on the other side of it, though. Like multiple Boston Celtics were on Tuesday night during the early match-up of TNT's prime-time double-header.

What I'm saying is: We feel for you, Marquis Daniels.

You made a nice cut off the ball, you went right up to the basket as soon as you received the pass, and you tried to use the rim to shield the attempt from the trailing Wade. More often than not, that's two points; not last night, though.

Similarly, we feel for you, Ray Allen.

DeMar DeRozan and Ed Davis (AP)

Come on, DeMar DeRozan and Ed Davis. You know that if there's one thing I hate, it's a sneak, and if there's two things I hate, it's a pair of sneaks who are sneaking around trying to find their presents before Christmas. If you can't act nice, and instead are going to act like naughty sneaks, then maybe you won't get any presents this year. Is that what you want? Because there are a lot of kids all over Canada who might actually appreciate getting gifts enough to not be all sneaking and creeping about it. Think I'm kidding? Keep it up, guys.

I swear, sometimes you young Toronto Raptors make it hard for me to stay in the spirit of the season. I really do swear.

Also, what are you even thinking about in your sneaking technique (maybe techsnique?)? You are a combined 161 inches tall and you are crawling around in the middle of the floor in a well-lit room. Did you really think we weren't going to see you? That's ridiculous.

Best caption wins what kids, parents and everyone else really