Neymar plays with his udders. (AS.com)

When you're an extremely talented young footballer, it's quite normal to have promotional obligations. Why? Because money. And sometimes those promotional obligations can put talented young footballers in ridiculous situations just because they can. This is Neymar in one of those situations.

Dressed in a series of goofy yet vaguely unsettling costumes, Neymar was supposedly endorsing ice cream that may or may not have been laced with mescaline. Here's the case for "may have"...

Udinese's Giampiero Pinzi committed what it likely to be the Europa League's most blatant foul this season when he stopped Liverpool's Stewart Downing from charging towards goal by pulling him to the ground by the shoulders from behind. The offense came in the 68th minute with the scored even at 1-1. Downing found open space down the flank and was sprinting towards the box when Pinzi decided to take him down by any means necessary (gif here).

Downing protested while Pinzi laughed and the referee pulled out a yellow card. Two minutes later, Liverpool's Sebastian Coates gave Udinese a lead from an own goal and Giovani Pasquale put them up 3-1 in the 72nd minute. Luis Suarez kept Liverpool in it by scoring three minutes later, but the match still ended 3-2.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

Video via 101gg

Shortly after joining Barcelona in 2010, David Villa starred in a spot for the video game Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit in which he destroyed a parked police car with nothing more than a football and his powerful shot. Apparently Barcelona did not like this.

In the clip, Villa methodically kicks a Jabulani at a police car, destroying its exterior bit by bit with every kick (like anyone could control a Jabulani that well). When Villa finishes his destruction of the vehicle, he gets back in his car as the two cops come out of a shop to see theirs. As they run to assess the damage, Villa gives a dead-eyed look into his rearview mirror.

According to reports, Barcelona did not appreciate the ad depicting its newest star defying the law in such a way, so it kept it from being aired. It would've been funnier if it was nice Leo Messi doing it anyway.

Brendan Rodgers points out who keeps stealing office supplies.

"Whenever life gets tiresome and clouds above are grey, I just simply close me eyes and slowly drift away." That's the start of a poem recited at the start of Being: Liverpool episode 3 and if that didn't put viewers to sleep, the remaining 44 minutes surely did.

If you did nod off during the episode, here are the standout moments you missed (presented in chronological order)...

Roy Hodgson just told these people his email password. (Getty)

If Rio Ferdinand wanted to learn his fate with Roy Hodgson's England team, he should have been riding the London Underground's Jubilee Line on Wednesday, because that's where the England manager reportedly told random travelers that the 33-year-old Man United defender is finished at the international level.

From The Mirror:

England boss Hodgson opened up to commuters when asked whether he would include the Manchester United defender on Thursday, when he names his squad for World Cup qualifiers against San Marino next Friday and Poland four days later.

"I very much doubt it. He hasn't played for England for quite a while," revealed Hodgson.

"I have to say it is over for him and England. It has got to be the end of the road. He is pushing 34 and hasn't played for England for a long, long time."

The Mirror calls this an "amazing confession," but it's pretty much what Hodgson assistant and Ferdinand's former Man United teammate Gary Neville said on television days earlier.

Anyway,

PSG replaced Jeremy Menez with Ezequiel Lavezzi in the 73rd minute of their Champions League match against Porto. Because of a muscle injury, it was only Lavezzi's second appearance for his new club since joining from Napoli in the summer for €30 million -- a move he is already rumored to be regretting. And after all of seven minutes, Lavezzi was himself replaced by Javier Pastore.

After the match, PSG manager Carlo Ancelotti said that Lavezzi had to be removed because his injury flared up again, but judging by the way the Argentine kicked the business out of a cooler in the dugout, his legs seemed just fine.

Three minutes after Lavezzi's cameo ended, Porto scored the only goal of the match and won 1-0.

With Man City trailing Borussia Dortmund 1-0 and facing a second straight Champions League group stage loss, Mario Balotelli came off the bench in the 81st minute and was given the chance to prove his clutch brilliance once again.

The 22-year-old striker has never missed a penalty in his short career and when Dortmund defender Neven Subotic was called for a handball in the 89th minute, Mario had the opportunity to keep his streak going. Upset about the call, Dortmund goalkeeper Roman Weidenfeller tried to put Balotelli off by walking up to him and whispering in his ear as Mario just stared, blocking him out like all the other abusive voices he has to deal with on a regular basis.

And after a stuttering run up, Balotelli calmly put the ball in one corner of the net while Weidenfeller dove towards the other, giving City a much needed equalizer. Mario then picked the ball out of the net and made a talking gesture at Weidenfeller as he jogged away. This is why it's hard not to love Mario Balotelli.

Daniel Agger smiles as his teammates try not to think about his knee. (Getty)

Liverpool defender Daniel Agger is man who seems to relish pain. He has a giant back tattoo of a viking graveyard, after all. He is now confirming this theory by playing with a small fracture in his kneecap that he picked up during Liverpool's loss to Manchester United last month. Not only is he playing with it, but he's having a delightful time as he does so.

From ESPN:

"I feared the worst when it happened," Agger was quoted as saying in the Liverpool Echo. "When I tried to get up the muscle in my knee just didn't work. I felt really unsteady and the medical staff thought I had done my ligaments.

"I thought it was a bad one and that I would be out for months. But, thankfully, it was just a really hard knock to the knee. I've got a small fracture in the bone but it's only a minor thing. It's not a problem. I only started training again last Friday but I was fine for the Norwich game.

"I felt really comfortable and I'm enjoying it. I think I deserved a bit of luck after the problems