The troubled tale of Adriano continues, as you probably expected. When we last left O Imperador, he was oversleeping for his first Roma training session and being harassed by a chubby Spider-Man. Though he has found the scoring touch that keeps drawing Italian clubs into his web of disappointment already this preseason, he's still overweight and apparently driving manager Claudio Ranieri mad.

From Football Italia:

Ranieri was likened to a “hyena” in training yesterday, as he was shouting at Adriano repeatedly.

“Wake up,” he cried. “Quicker, faster, more concentrated. It’s like you don’t know what to do with the ball at your feet.”

That's never a good sign. And with criticism like that, it should come as no surprise that Ranieri seems unlikely to start Adriano in the Super Cup against Inter.

Prepare yourselves for another season of disappearances, rumors of alcoholism and, of course, the chubby Spider-Men.

Photo: Getty Images

As Arsenal new boy Luarent Koscielny displayed against Liverpool's Dirk Kuyt last weekend, a kick to the crotch can be a very effective (and very evil) way to stop an attacking player. In this match featuring an HSV fan club, the defender employed a similar tactic, resulting in the attacker laying in the fetal position in a ball of dust and the ref pulling out a red card for the dubious challenge.

While the sending off was a good start, the only way to prevent the crotch kick defense next time would be to give the victim a free shot on the perpetrator. Then that guy will almost certainly be more careful next time. Unless he's into that sort of thing.

"Maybe if I stand really still he won't hit me with that award..."

Ryan Giggs, Manchester United's longest-serving and grayest sideburned player, talked to The Mirror about his relationship with Sir Alex Ferguson for some reason. The 37-year-old midfielder revealed just how terrified he was of Fergie and his hairdryer treatment when he first met him as a teenager.

"Over the years he's mellowed," said Giggs of Fergie. "Maybe the dynamics of the game has changed but it comes from experience, the success he's had and the enjoyment he gets out of it.

"But don't think the desire and the hunger isn't there. It's still there as it was when I first met him. He still wants to win, he still hates losing and likes to play football in the right way.

"My relationship has changed with him. When I first met him I was 13 and for the next 10 years you try and keep out of the way."

And now? Well, he still hides in the nearest laundry bin when he sees Sir Alex's bloodshot face coming his way. I mean,

Sky Sports News reports that demand for the shirt of Cardiff City's new loan signing, hometown boy Craig Bellamy, has been so rabid that the official club shop ran out of "Y's" and "9's" after selling 3,000 "Bellamy 39" shirts in three hours. So, whether it was for the sake of the cameras or just the overwhelming desperation to have a Cardiff shirt with at least most of Bellamy's name and number on it, one woman was seen buying a "Bellam 3" shirt instead.

Call it silly, but if Dr. Rajendra P. Bellam ever signs for Cardiff, that lady will be prepared.

It's only been a little over a month since the World Cup ended and the stadiums that cost South Africa $1.5 billion to construct and renovate for the tournament are already proving to be a "massive problem." Despite government officials insisting that the stadiums wouldn't turn into white elephants as the World Cup drew to a close, it seems like some of them are already becoming just that.

The AP reports:

South African Rugby Union president Oregan Hoskins told members of parliament in Cape Town on Tuesday that there had been no discussions between Durban city officials and rugby representatives before the $400 million, 70,000-capacity Moses Mabhida Stadium was built, and now it did not have enough suites to accommodate the local suite holders for the Sharks rugby team.

Hoskins said that the Sharks, who compete in the annual Super Rugby competition and the domestic Currie Cup—and who could offer near year-round use of the stadium—would have a “massive problem” moving into it now.

"Hahaha...idiots."

When Real Madrid snapped up Germany's World Cup star (er, one of them) Mesut Ozil for a measly €18 million, a lot of people thought it was an absolute steal -- especially for a club used to paying over the odds for players. And just in case Werder Bremen wasn't aware of this view of the deal, Jose Mourinho was sure to publicly confirm that they got ripped off. From Bild:

Mourinho was desperate to land the playmaker – and was delighted with his 'bargain': “We got him for a price which was far under his real market worth. We could not miss out on Ozil.”

But the size of the deal was not down to a failure on the part of Bremen sport director Klaus Allofs’ negotiating skills – as Mourinho pointed out, Ozil’s contract in Germany was set to run out in 2011, hence the relatively low price.

Well that was nice of Jose to try and make Werder not look so bad by rationalizing the low price, but to preface that explanation by stating how you got him at an irresistible bargain

The Spurs lost the first leg of their Champions League playoff tie against Young Boys on Tuesday, which prompted manager Harry Redknapp to go from saying that the Swiss club's Astroturf pitch was "very good" before the match to something that should be banned from the competition after the match. UEFA has responded by rubbishing his flip-floppy claims. Harry has a great many other things he would like to have banned, though. Here are some of them.

-Poorly timed international friendlies.

-Craig Bellamy wasting his talent by playing for Cardiff.

-Taxes.

-Christmas parties.

-Back to the Future, Part III

-Fans that boo their team.

-Anything garnished with basil.

-People with stupid haircuts.

-Fixture congestion.

-His friend Tom, who insists on waving to him during matches even though he's busy and has a lot on his mind and specifically said that they would have a chat after the match. OK, Tom, we see you! Hi, Tom! Hello to Tom!!!

-When Jamie beats him at Mario Kart on the Wii and gets

Never anger a man named Igor Semshov. He will headbutt you and he will get away with it. Zenit St Petersburg's Danko Lazovic found this out the hard way last Saturday when he came up behind Semshov and gave him a knee in the backside, which Igor did not take kindly to. So he whipped around and headbutted him square in the chest.

Unlike Zidane's famous chest headbutt, though, it seems Semshov went for the chest more because he simply wasn't tall enough to aim for Lazovic's nose. Amazingly, Semshov wasn't booked for his act of aggression, probably because the ref was too afraid that he would get it next.

Video via 101gg