De Laurentiis looking impressed by Messi's lack of tattoos. (Getty)

Napoli owner Aurelio De Laurentiis is a strange man. We've already established this. He denounces his Italian citizenship and storms out of fixture draws before catching a ride on a stranger's scooter and he introduces new players to the press by putting them in lion masks. So it should come as no surprise that De Laurentiis has gone back on his previous opinion that Lionel Messi was a "cretin" and decided that he wants the brilliant Argentine to make like Maradona and move from Barcelona to Napoli. Because he now sees Messi as a tattooless dream.

From FourFourTwo:

De Laurentiis has not always spoken fondly of the Barcelona forward, branding him a 'cretin' following Argentina's disappointing 2011 Copa America campaign.

However, the 63-year-old appears to have changed his mind, admitting he would love to see the 25-year-old turn out at Stadio San Paolo.

"My dream is [Lionel] Messi," he told Gazzetta dello Sport. "He doesn't even have a tattoo. He's a footballing dream, and is very cinematic."

Well that's just going to make human tattoo gallery David Beckham feel even worse about himself, isn't it?

It seems De Laurentiis is implying that a lack of body art is a sign of good character, but I think it's safe to assume that no other human being on the planet would first reference a lack of tattoos when describing the greatness of Messi. Especially since Messi does, in fact, have a tattoo of his mother on his shoulder.

Ashley Cole, probably without his air gun. (Getty)

Three days into the John Terry trial over allegations of a racial slur used against QPR's Anton Ferdinand during a Premier League match last season and the proceedings seem to have gotten lost in a farcical bizarro world.

On a day that included statements proclaiming the good character of John Terry from just about everyone ever associated with Chelsea (including the likes of Jose Mourinho and the club's bus driver), key witness Ashley Cole took the stand and made it clear that he felt this wasn't a matter that should have gone to trial. Then, the prosecutor got down to the important matter of the crowd noise at the Emirates Stadium (note: the incident between Terry and Ferdinand did not take place at Emirates Stadium).

From the Twitter accounts of court-room journalists Sam Wallace, Daniel Taylor, Dan Roan and Matt Dickinson (via By Far The Greatest Team):

Prosecution: "You used to play for Arsenal, nobody makes any noise at the Emirates do they?" Laughter is heard in the court. Cole: "Am I supposed to laugh at that? If you're saying Loftus Road is louder than the Emirates I'd say: 'no, it's not.'" Prosecutor: "Ok, let's not have that argument." Cole: "Well, you brought it up."

And that's how Ashley Cole won the John Terry trial.

The Hotel Klosterbraeu: Almost fit for Gareth Barry. Almost. (Getty)

Man City are spending 12 days training in high altitude in an Austrian village that was very close to being perfect for their needs. If it weren't for the ancient church bells, cheap mattresses and presence of ketchup.

From Reuters:

Premier League champions Manchester City tried to silence the bells of a 13th century church so they could sleep longer at their Tyrolean mountain training camp but failed to persuade the authorities to agree to the request.

"They tried to have it put back from 8 until 10 in the morning but they didn't succeed," said a local official in the Austrian village of Seefeld, near Innsbruck.

Carlos Tevez simply does not change his bell-ringing schedule for anyone.

If you were wondering just how far 71-year-old Pele would go for his beloved former club Santos, the answer is apparently "delivering pizzas."

For the purposes of an ad campaign concocted by Santos' marketing department, Pele dressed in the uniform of a local pizza shop and spent a night making deliveries to unsuspecting customers. He also answered the phone and tried his hand at making a pie before ending the night on someone's doorstep with a handful of pizzas.

Naturally, when Pele brings you a pizza you don't just give him a tip and send him on his way, so one family invited him in to eat with them while the cameras filmed. And now Pele saying "Ola, pizza!" is my favorite thing of the week.

For photos, check out Globo.

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Maradona knows what time it is everywhere. Even in space. (Getty)

Diego Maradona has refused to recognize that he has been sacked as manager of UAE club Al-Wasl, believing instead that the news is just a hoax perpetrated by long-time adversary Pele. Al-Wasl released an official statement to announce the termination of Maradona's two-year contract after just one disappointing season, but the Argentine legend was on holiday in Dubai when he received the news that he promptly wrote off as a prank call from the 71-year-old Brazilian great.

"This is so Pele," Maradona told reporters in Dubai. "As soon as I got the call, I knew he was trying to fool me. Who gets sacked for finishing eighth? This was just his attempt at payback for the time Fidel Castro and I sent 30 pizzas to his house that he had to pay for. But it's not going to work. The Bono of football is way too smart to fall for this."

[Related: Pele delivers pizzas for a Santos marketing campaign]

Maradona and Pele have long maintained a public feud, with the two most recently arguing about

Premier League champions Man City is in Austria to begin its preseason training and it appears it's already tempting fate with Carlos Tevez by teaching him how to box.

Yes, the man who has already turned on the club twice by demanding transfers and refusing to warm up more than he likes during matches, is being shown how to turn his disloyalty into combinations of punches that he can utilize before his next unapproved jaunt back to Argentina.

Under the instruction of City physio Lee Nobes, Tevez spars in the video above while probably imagining that his partner's hands are Roberto Mancini's head. With this newfound punching ability, there is even less chance that Samir Nasri makes it through this season without getting his teeth knocked in.

Ronaldinho and the temptresses. (Atletico Mineiro)

A little more than a month after leaving Flamengo over unpaid wages, Ronaldinho is the one being accused of breaching contracts as Coca-Cola ended his lucrative sponsorship deal less than a year after it was signed. The breaking point for the R$1.5M ($737,400) a year deal that was to run through the 2014 World Cup in Brazil was apparently that Ronaldinho appeared with cans of Pepsi, a sponsor of his new club Atletico Mineiro, at press conferences.

From Sports Business Daily:

In the last month, Ronaldinho left Brasileiro's Flamengo FC, "the team with the largest fan base" in Brazil, sued the club for R$40M ($19.7M), and appeared at an introductory news conference with his new club Atletico Mineiro "surrounded by Pepsi cans." In a statement, Coca-Cola Brasil cited "recent events" as the reason for the break-up. With the decision, Ronaldinho will not receive any additional money from the company nor will the drink manufacturer have to pay a fine. Institution ESPM Marketing Dir Marcelo

"Riquelme will not go." (Getty)

Shortly after Boca Juniors lost to Corinthians in the Copa Libertadores final, 34-year-old Juan Roman Riquelme announced his intention to leave the Argentine giants for a second time. It was a devastating blow to Boca fans made even worse when word spread that their all-mighty hero might go to Brazil to join Flamengo.

So as Riquelme prepares to leave, as he did in 2002 when he joined Barcelona, thousands of Boca fans have gathered to stage protest in various cities around Argentina (some reports say 10, others two dozen) to beg Riquelme not to go. The largest demonstration included 5,000 at Boca's La Bombonera in Buenos Aires, where supporters filled the streets and made their way to the stadium. According to Ole, the club initially said they wouldn't be let inside due to a lack of security, but eventually relented and the chants of "Riquelme is Boca, Boca is not going!" continued in the stands.

Coincidentally, this is very similar to what happened in London when Manuel Almunia left Arsenal.

In total, Riquelme spent 12 years with Boca Juniors, playing more than 300 matches, winning five Primera Division titles and three Copa Libertadores. He was the Argentine Footballer of the Year four times, the latest coming in 2011. Also, he is magic.

Here's video of the demonstration (skip ahead to 55 seconds in to avoid the studio babble)...