"Why always me?" -- Kevin Pezzoni (Getty)

Though Cologne manager Holger Stanislawski recently pleaded with the club's fans to have sex in the stands, a group of them has decided it prefers violence instead. Particularly targeted at 23-year-old former Blackburn defender Kevin Pezzoni.

How much do Cologne fans hate Kevin Pezzoni? Think of the most disliked player on your favorite club and then multiply that my Muammar Gaddafi.

From DW:

Cologne granted the 23-year-old's request to cancel his contract on Friday after he had been confronted outside his flat by a group of angry fans, who threatened to beat him up.

"A group of people were waiting for him in front of his apartment. They abused him and it is a situation which has been building up for a long time," said Coach Holger Stanislawski, explaining that the contract had been cancelled solely to protect the player.

Club officials said they had discussed all options with the midfielder, who had already been attacked in February, when his nose was broken.

They say he rejected

Trying to catch a ball and maintain balance in the stands proved too difficult for one fan at a Liga MX (the new name for the Mexican primera division) match between Morelia and Pumas. As he leaned forward to try and make the grab, he lost his footing and faceplanted into the seat in front of him. He also failed to catch the ball. And the two people in front of him thought it was hilarious. As did the commentators.

Luckily there were some good Samaritans nearby to help him back up, and on the bright side, at least there wasn't a back on those seats.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

Video via 101gg

Less than a week after literally kicking his players up the backside and pulling off the upset of the Capital One Cup second round with a 4-3 extra-time win over Stoke, Paolo Di Canio and Swindon Town returned to League One play and lost 4-1 to Preston North End. Preston scored twice in the first 10 minutes, with the first goal coming off a goalkeeper error, prompting Di Canio to take 21-year-old goalkeeper Wes Foderingham off in just the 21st minute.

Foderingham was just as angry as Di Canio when he came off (which is no small feat) and kicked a water bottle before heading to the bench. Luckily for the keeper, Di Canio reacted by berating him to the press instead of running him over with a lawnmower.

From the Swindon Advertiser:

When asked why he withdrew Foderingham so early, the Town boss said: "Because he was one of the worst players I have ever seen in a football match. He is a player like the others. "Why can't we change the goalkeeper? Is the goalkeeper is an element who plays

Cristiano finds no solace in the violent embrace of Pepe. (Getty)

Cristiano Ronaldo did not celebrate either of his first two goals of the season in Real Madrid's 3-0 win against Granada (video of the first here). After the match he made it clear that he did this with purpose, but he also left a bit of mystery about it all as he refrained from getting too specific.

From Sky Sports:

Speaking to reporters after the match, Ronaldo explained he was feeling down and that it was due to a 'professional' rather than 'personal' issue.

"I don't celebrate goals when I am feeling sad and that's the case today," said Ronaldo.

"The people who work here know why and I won't say any more than that."

Guillem Balague and AS later reported that Ronaldo told Real Madrid president Florentino Perez that he wants to leave the club even though his contract runs until 2015. AS also claimed that Ronaldo cited trouble in the dressing room with his teammates as a reason for his displeasure. But what could be the problem? Here are several possibilities...

Cristiano Ronaldo scored his first two goals of the new season in Real Madrid's 3-0 win against Granada. His first of the day was one that Granada keeper Tono might find difficult to forget.

In the 26th minute, Ronaldo received a pass in the box as he made a run towards the endline, giving him a difficult angle for a shot. But as we should know by now, this does not stop Cristiano, so he took the shot anyway and found a gaping hole between the goalkeeper's legs that the ball was able to pass through on its way into the net.

Perhaps rejuvenated by winning the MLS Cup last season and making frequent trips back to England to visit the royals and serve as an Olympic mascot throughout this season, David Beckham is enjoying a very productive year. He now has seven goals on the season (his previous best was five in 2008, his first full season in the league) after scoring with a typically perfect free kick in a 2-0 win against Vancouver on Saturday.

Beckham now has five goals in his last eight league matches (plus a goal directly from a corner kick in the CONCACAF Champions League) -- an unusual run from a guy not expected to score that often, especially a 37-year-old guy not expect to score that often. Still, it's been a welcomed bonus for the LA Galaxy as they make a push for the playoffs.

At this rate it's starting to look like age will ravage his underpants modeling career before his playing career.

Previous Beckham goals: A blast from distance and a free kick, a blast from distance, a  free kick, and...a

Chelsea loaned out of favor midfielder Michael Essien to Real Madrid, reuniting him with the man who originally signed him for Chelsea in 2005, Jose Mourinho. Though the deadline-day move came as a surprise even to Essien himself, it was a welcomed one since he describes Mourinho as being "like a father" to him. And he proved just how much he means this by repeatedly calling his manager "daddy" during his press conference.

From Reuters:

"Daddy (Mourinho) knows me very well, he brought me to Chelsea, and he knows I can play in any position he wants - except goalkeeper." [...]

"Everything went very fast and I was in my hotel room and I had a call from my daddy and he said he would be very happy to have me at the club," he said.

"I never thought I would end up here. I was focused on Chelsea and I didn't know that Real Madrid would make a bid for me.

"When Mourinho calls it's more than enough. All I want to do is play football and when he rang me I said yes immediately.

"When I arrived he was at the airport. We were really happy to see each other and I am really looking forward to starting playing and enjoying the football."

And as you can see in the video above, he kept calling Mourinho his daddy with the glee of someone getting paid to do so.

It's things like this that should clear up why Chelsea players have been so resistant to many of the managers that have passed through in Mourinho's wake. Between making them believe he is their father and praising them in the shower, Mourinho really put an indelible mind-meld on them.

Anyway, while Essien talked him up, daddy was off in Manchester scouting Real Madrid's Champions League group stage opponents and having a miserable time while fans tried to take his picture...

Radamel Falcao picked up where he left off in the Europa League last season to win and won the UEFA Super Cup for Atletico Madrid, scoring a first-half hat trick in their 4-1 win over Chelsea. It was an abysmal performance from the Champions League winners, but Falcao -- who has led the Europa League in scoring the last two seasons in a row -- once again showed that he can beat any team all by himself.

After the match, Ashley Cole was honest about what had happened. He said on Twitter:

Wellll that was a lesson, absolute joke no fight, desire, passion, and a big reality check!!!!!! #sorrycfcfans

As nice as taking the Super Cup is for Atletico, the real win on the day was the fact that Roman Abramovich didn't buy Falcao before the transfer window shut. Of course, there's always January.