Zlatan Ibrahimovic only played the first 45 minutes of Sweden's 1-0 friendly win against China, but he made the most of his time by practicing his new finishing move on China's Lu Peng.

Ibrahimovic was trying to take the ball off Peng, but instead of just stepping in front of him, he put him in a DDT and drove his face into the ground. Zlatan then tried to pick him up (presumably to do it again), but Peng stayed down for treatment.

Zlatan was not shown a yellow card for this because the referee values his life.

This is what footballers do after two days of no sex. (Getty)

Football clubs are always looking for new ways to prevent and reduce the number of injuries that they inevitably experience each season and Napoli has one rule that it credits with keeping its number of muscle injuries low: No sex for two days before each match.

From Football Italia:

"Avoiding sexual activity for two days before a game is fundamental to prevent muscular strains, contractions or inflammations," Professor Alfonso De Nicola [Napoli's chief medic] told the Corriere del Mezzogiorno newspaper.

"It is the rule for our squad. There is also a specific work done by my staff and the fitness coaches which is aimed more at prevention than cure."

Whether the sex ban is the reason or not, Napoli has had a low number of muscular injuries. Still, this seems like a harsh rule and one that is probably very impractical for wealthy young footballers. Then again, Milan midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng's girlfriend did blame his thigh injury last season on their practice of having sex 7-10

As the U.S. prepare to play Jamaica in two World Cup qualifiers over four days, manager Juergen Klinsmann decided to bring in Donnie Moore, a motivational speaker, to unleash his phonebook ripping wisdom on the team.

Now, you might think that going to the Estadio Azteca and beating Mexico for the first time ever in their last match would be far more motivating than anything a guy with a pompadour and a track suit could say to them. And you're probably right. Which is why Donnie Moore yelled and wowed the team with his feats of strength instead of just saying things.

It's unclear whether this was all for real or a part of a Spinal Tap type mockumenatary that includes a parody of motivational speakers, but as part of the presentation, Donnie Moore rolled a cooking pan up "like a burrito," he broke baseball bats over his thigh and he ripped two phonebooks back to back before making it rain with the pages.

Anyway, I think Wayne Rooney just found his post-football career.

Andrei Arshavin thinks this is a car. (Getty)

Zenit St Petersburg showed their intent to become a European power by dumping between €80-100 million on Hulk and Axel Witsel, but one player noticeably absent from their acquisition list as the Russian transfer window draws to a close is Andrei Arshavin. Arsenal loaned the out of favor 31-year-old back to Zenit, the club they got him from in 2009, for the second half of last season and a permanent deal seemed inevitable. But here we are in September and Arshavin is still with Arsenal, even though they have slashed his price tag to exactly nothing.

From RAI Novosti:

Arsenal have allowed Arshavin to leave on a free transfer, which was one of Zenit's conditions for signing their former player, [Zenit general director Maxim] Mitrofanov said.

"We'd been talking about that with Arsenal for a long time. It was one of two absolute conditions for us," Mitrofanov said of Arsenal's decision not to charge a fee.

"Only Arshavin himself knows the second condition."

What could the second condition be?! And why is it such a secret? Here are some possibilities...

Juergen Klopp watches his glasses die. (Getty, inset: Defodi)

In February of 2011, Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 3-1 for their first win in Munich in 19 years. It was a key moment on the way to the first of two consecutive Bundesliga titles and was celebrated as such in the moment, breaking BVB manager Juergen Klopp's glasses in the process.

Though the only consequence of Klopp's broken glasses at the time was a bruise on his nose and having to conduct his post-match press conference in a spare pair, the incident has proven to be more of a headache for Germany's insurance industry than it was for Klopp.

According to Ruhr Nachrichten, in the year and a half since Klopp's high-end TITANflex glasses broke, German insurance companies have seen an influx of phony claims over suspiciously identical broken pairs of glasses and all too serious demands for compensation.

The photos of the glasses, which are now housed in Borussia Dortmund's museum (the "Borusseum"), submitted with these claims were from the Internet, so its unlikely any were

Carlo Ancelotti doing Carlo Ancelotti things. (Getty)

Carlo Ancelotti was interviewed by La Gazzetta dello Sport while he attended the Elite Football Club Coaches Forum at UEFA headquarters in Nyon, Switzerland and, like every other time the man with the world's most powerful eyebrow speaks, it turned out quite entertaining. And wonderfully odd.

For example, when asked how the city of Paris has captivated him since he joined PSG in January, he replied:

"With the bread."

What?

"The bread you eat in Paris you do not eat anywhere else in the world."

Do you prefer the bread to the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre?

"No, but the bread I eat every day and I go to the Louvre once a month ... There is a difference."

Masterful logic. You can have your lights and your Mona Lisas and your fancy towers, Carlo is a bread man. And when he finds good bread, that's all he needs. After all, when he says that he joined PSG "for the project, not for a paycheck" you know he's telling the truth. As he notes, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich was paying him plenty not to work with his fat severance package.

At the coaches forum, Ancelotti was joined by other employees of Roman Abramovich both past and present in Jose Mourinho and Roberto Di Matteo. Here's the group shot...

Owen Hargreaves being important. (Getty)

Former England international Owen Hargreaves has announced that he intends to sign with Chelsea in the upcoming EA Sports video game FIFA 13. The 31-year-old midfielder, who made just four appearances with Manchester City before he was released at the end of last season, was unable to find a new club during the summer transfer window. But Hargreaves firmly believes that this move within the video game, which will be released at the end of September, will jumpstart his career.

"Hey guys," Hargreaves said on his nonexistent official Twitter account. "Just wanted to let you all know that as soon as FIFA 13 comes out, I'm going to join Chelsea. Well, I'm going to increase my strength rating and then I'm going to join Chelsea. I figured that after playing for the Premier League champions, the only way to move up would be to sign for the European champions so that's what I'll do. See you soon, Eden Hazard!"

When reached for comment, a Chelsea spokesman said, "I have no idea what you're

No, this isn't an old home video sent in by Pepe Reina's parents, but it is evidence that bad days for goalkeepers start at a young age.

A shot that bounces off the post, hits the keeper in the face and then back into the goal, giving the gray team's No. 10 a reason to celebrate and the keeper in red a sore nose. The music makes this clip mesmerizing.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.