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You've physically tried to drown yourself in a punchbowl of eggnog. Attempted to freebase lead-laced paint from your 6-year-old's recalled Go Diego Go! toys. And you purposely forgot to wear a Kevlar vest while dove hunting with Bob Knight.
In a way, your half-hearted attempts at numbing the pain of first-round fantasy defeat are reminiscent of John Cusak's botched efforts in "Better off Dead." The only differences: Your best friend doesn't recreationally snort Jell-O. And you would never mindlessly strive to capture someone's heart by challenging jock Roy Stalin to a ski race down the hazardous K-12.
Now that would be suicidal.
Sure it's unbearable that your championship dreams were shattered because you "heeded the warning" of some dimwitted, loudmouthed columnist whoRead More »from Bringin' the Noise: 'Tis the (next) season